Greg Luzinski, 1984 Fleer

Name: Greg Luzinski
Team: Chicago White Sox
Position: Designated hitter
Value of card: A circle
Key 1983 stat: Beard made of 50,000 porcupine spines
The end of an era: Dear readers (yes, all 11 of you), nearly six years ago, we started this little website with one simple goal: to become famous and rich enough that we could quit our jobs. Now, while we did get quoted in the New York Times, that plan hasn't really panned out. Nonetheless, we've had a lot of fun and laughs bringing you some of the most hideous, dated, airbrushed and ridiculous cards we've encountered.

Today's post is No. 2,098      and the last for us here at the Bust. We know that there are thousands more cards out there worthy of skewering, but life has gotten in the way and it is time for the Bust Cup to return to its trophy case. We want to sincerely thank everybody who contributed cards to our site and helped us along the way. We know there are some of you out there who check this page every day, and while we won't be adding new cards, you can view a random post by clicking the button at the top of our sidebar. Not a great consolation, we know, but we're guessing there are a few you've missed over the years.

So, that's all, friends. We leave you with the man who started it all, Greg Luzinski, The Kodiak Brute, grinding away at his shaft for all eternity. Take care.

Greg Luzinski, 1984 Fleer

Jim Palmer, 1973 Topps Boyhood Photos of the Stars

Names: Jimmy Palmer, Jim Palmer
Teams: Harrison Public School Aquanauts, Baltimore Orioles
Positions: Boy, ace
Value of card: One inner tube with a hole in it
Key 1972 stat: Two balks
Fun facts about Jimmy Palmer, circa 1954, and Jim Palmer, circa 1972:

• In 1954, Jimmy had a well-maintained, respectable haircut. In 1972, Jim had more hair than a chow chow on Rogaine.
•  In 1954, Jimmy liked to go for a swim down at the local watering hole. In 1972, Jim liked to go for a drink down at the local watering hole.
• In 1954, Jimmy wore a rubber inner tube for safety. In 1972, Jim usually didn't bother wearing rubbers for safety.
• In 1954, Jimmy occasionally posed shirtless for photos. A little after 1972, Jim started wearing even less.

Card submitted by Tyler Kepner

Jim Palmer, 1973 Topps Boyhood Photos of the Stars

Pat Swilling, 1992 Pro Line Portraits (Shameful Sunday Portraits No. 70)

Name: Pat Swilling
Team: New Orleans Saints
Position: Linebacker
Value of card: Bark
Key 1992 stat: 27 trees hid under during lightning storms
This quiz is swill: How come Pat Swilling's relaxing half-naked under an oak tree?

A) You got a better idea on how to spend a Tuesday?
B) Waiting for you, sweetheart. Just waiting for you.
C) He's getting back to his roots.
D) He's trying to sneak a peek up Kosar's shorts.
E) All of the above.

Pat Swilling, 1992 Pro Line Portraits (Shameful Sunday Portraits No. 70)

Greg Anthony, 1992 Topps Draft Pick

Name: Greg Anthony
Team: San Diego Padres
Position: Pitcher
Value of card: The dictionary page with the word "bust" on it, torn out
Key 1991 stat: Always tried to blend into the background
San Diego Padres scouting report on draft pick Greg Anthony: "He's got three solid pitches      by which we mean we need to limit his pitch count to three. ... He's very insistent that we change our uniforms to paisley. ... Plus-plus ability to pose in front of trees. ... Almost strangled himself with his own necklace a couple of times. ... Eats Vienna sausages by the case. ... It's always risky drafting a two-sport star, but he could pay off. Wait, this is UNLV's Greg Anthony, right? No? That's it, I resign."

Greg Anthony, 1992 Topps Draft Pick

Al Davis, 1992 Pro Line Throwbacks (Football Friday No. 225)

Name: Al Davis
Team: Los Angeles Raiders
Position: Owner
Value of card: One black hole
Key 1992 stat: Just won seven games, baby
Good ol' Al: Al Davis was definitely proud of his three Super Bowl victories. His games were popular on betting sites too. Countries like Austria offer many betting options for punters. Check the neueste Wettanbieter blog to find the best betting providers in Austria. Here are a few other things he was proud of.

• His all-white wardrobe
• Sunglasses with chains on them
• His chicken-skin
• JaMarcus
• A commitment to excellence*

*Expired in 2002

Al Davis, 1992 Pro Line Throwbacks (Football Friday No. 225)

Dwight Bernard, 1983 Fleer

Name: Dwight Bernard
Team: Milwaukee Brewers
Position: Pitcher
Value of card: The clump of hair clogging your shower drain
Key 1982 stat: One side of beard an inch longer than the other
Brewing up a pop quiz: Why is Dwight so unhappy?

A) The team told him he had to start bathing
B) The team told him he had to evict the family of sparrows living in his hair
C) The team told him he had to get bigger glasses
D) The team told him he had to wear baby blue both on and off the field
E) The team told him he could do whatever he wanted      because he was no longer on the team

Card submitted by Douglas Corti

Dwight Bernard, 1983 Fleer

Willie Upshaw, 1997 Oh! Henry Toronto Blue Jays Team Set‏

Name: Willie Upshaw
Team: Toronto Blue Jays
Position: Hitting coach
Value of card: Something sticky on your shoes
Key 1996 stat: 841 candy bars eaten
Fun facts about Willie Upshaw and candy bars:

• Candy bars always sound good, but are bad for you in the long run. Willie Upshaw never really sounded good and was definitely bad in the long run.
• Some candy bars come in a "king size" variety. Willie Upshaw had king-size eyeglasses.
• Some candy bars are advertised as being light and fluffy. Willie Upshaw's mustache was the opposite of that.
• If you leave a candy bar in your pocket, it will get too warm and melt. Willie Upshaw would still eat that candy bar.
• Candy bars sometimes contain nuts. You had to have been nuts to make Willie Upshaw your hitting coach.

Card submitted by Douglas Corti

Willie Upshaw, 1997 Oh! Henry Toronto Blue Jays Team Set‏

Trey Beamon, 1996 Upper Deck Star Rookie

Name: Trey Beamon
Team: Pittsburgh Pirates
Position: Outfield
Value of card: One-third of a Chuck E. Cheese token
Key 1995 stat: Beat your high score on "Daytona USA"
It's The Caption, which might have (but didn't) run in the Pittsbugh Post-Gazette around 1996: "Pirates rookie Trey Beamon plays a racing game at a local video arcade Tuesday. It was a welcome change of pace for Beamon, who has been playing nothing but 'Punch-Out' at the plate so far this season."

Card submitted by Douglas Corti

Trey Beamon, 1996 Upper Deck Star Rookie

Pablo Torrealba, 1979 Topps

Name: Pablo Torrealba
Team: Chicago White Sox
Position: Pitcher
Value of card: Pit stench
Key 1978 stat: Zero forearms exposed
Oh, good lord: What are those things coming out of Pablo's nose?

A) More lapels
B) Black mollies
C) Mold spores
D) Newborn kittens
E) A mustache that somehow is less hideous than the uniform

Card submitted by Douglas Corti

Pablo Torrealba, 1979 Topps

Ricky Ervins, 1992 Pro Line Portraits (Shameful Sunday Portraits No. 69)

Name: Ricky Ervins
Team: Washington Redskins
Position: Running back
Value of card: See that bracelet? Even less than that
Key 1992 stat: One fine for indecent exposure at the neighborhood park
Black belt in awkwardness: Here are a few martial arts that Ricky Ervins enjoyed.

• Topless taekowndo
• Kitless krav maga
• Unclothed karate
• Au naturel aikido
• Manflesh muay thai
• Nude-o judo

Ricky Ervins, 1992 Pro Line Portraits (Shameful Sunday Portraits No. 69)

Luis Mercedes, 1992 Star

Name: Luis Mercedes
Team: Frederick Keys (Orioles affiliate)
Position: Second base
Value of card: Absolutely nothing
Key 1991 stat: Rated best-bunting second baseman who also shared a name with a car
Start your engines: In 1992, the Keys were hoping Luis Mercedes could help them Ford their way to a title with his Jaguar-like speed and Ram-like power. Alas, Luis's average was Mini and his strikeout rate rocketed toward Infiniti. Quickly, Orioles management opted to Dodge a bullet and made the Smart decision, saying Tata to Luis in what was truly a Saab story.

Luis Mercedes, 1992 Star

Pat Woodcock, 2004 Jogo CFL (Football Friday No. 224)

Name: Pat Woodcock
Team: Ottawa Renegades
Position: Wide receiver
Value of card: 1,000 giggles
Key 2004 stat: Wore a shirt that said "Woodcock" to work
Do not pass Go, do not collect $200: Congratulations, Pat Woodcock, on your first-ballot, unanimous Bust Name Hall of Fame erection election. Only the best, such as Rusty Kuntz, Dick Pole and Steve Sharts, have achieved this honor so quickly      but there's no doubt that Woodcock stands up to the test.

Card submitted by Douglas Corti

Pat Woodcock, 2004 Jogo CFL (Football Friday No. 224)

Mickey Hatcher, 1991 Upper Deck

Name: Mickey Hatcher
Team: Los Angeles Dodgers
Position: Outfield
Value of card: Zero new ideas
Key 1990 stat: 13 RBI
We've been here before: In 1991, Upper Deck was still a new brand, full of fresh ideas and energy. That was, until this card got produced. Oh, gee, Mickey Hatcher with a giant glove. How original! Why not go all out and get Glenn Hubbard to pose with a python, ask Jay Johnstone to put on his umbrella hat, and get Jose Canseco to take his shirt off? Yep, this was the moment Upper Deck moved to the cheap seats.

Mickey Hatcher, 1991 Upper Deck

Doug Frobel, 1984 Donruss

Name: Doug Frobel
Team: Pittsburgh Pirates
Position: Outfield
Value of card: 25 cents off a cup of froyo
Key 1983 stat: Bathed twice
People who Doug Frobel got mistaken for:

• Gilligan
• Frederich Frobel, the inventor of kindergarten
• A promising baseball prospect
• Boyfriend material
• Jim Morrison. No, not that one, this one.

Card submitted by Sean Griffin

Doug Frobel, 1984 Donruss

Ozzie Canseco, 1991 Upper Deck

Name: Ozzie Canseco
Team: Oakland A's
Position: Outfield
Value of card: A replica penny
Key 1990 stat: One walk
Ways in which people could determine Ozzie from his twin brother Jose:

• Ozzie was the smart one
• Jose was the one with the back-ne
• Ozzie was the one who showered
• Jose was the one who thought Big Mac actually owned McDonald's
• Ozzie was the one in the minors
• Jose was the one who shot off his own finger

Card submitted by Walt Lindberg

Ozzie Canseco, 1991 Upper Deck