Team: Texas Rangers
Positions: Outfield, Designated Hitter
Value of card: 1/500th of that hat
Key 1991 stat: 591 pieces of gold jewelry purchased
El Caballo's secret: Look at Ruben Sierra. The man didn't come to own half of San Juan, Puerto Rico -- not to mention that spotless white, brimmed hat or that muscle-packed, striped polo shirt -- without a little help, my friends. You see, Sierra lived a hard childhood in Rio Piedras. On his 14th birthday, young Ruben was out searching for work when a sparkling object on the side of a dusty farm road caught his eye. It was a golden medallion, seemingly ancient yet intricately designed. Unbeknown to him, it was Montezuma's legendary Medallion of Power. He picked up the treasure, and felt a sudden strength surge through him. Rather than sell the trinket to buy medicine for his ailing mother, Ruben wore it to school the next day and proceeded to stun his baseball coach by launching 226 home runs in batting practice. Word quickly spread, drawing scouts from the U.S. and launching his career as El Caballo, a hitter to be feared and a lover to be coveted. Ruben still dons the medallion, pictured, and now rents out slum housing, also pictured, to awe-struck tenants.
Does that hat come with a Pimp Don Juan chalice?
ReplyDeleteel caballo = carlos lee
ReplyDeleteruben sierra looks like el agento de real estate
carlos lee = highly overpaid eater of male horses (caballo) during time with Astros
ReplyDelete