Team: Oakland A's
Position: Outfield
Value of card: One eighth-grade graduation certificate
Key 1988 stat: 1,922 flies caught in mouth
Jose Canseco's train of thought from 12:10 p.m. to 7:44 p.m. July 23, 1988: "Hit ball ... Hit ball ... Hit ball ... Ice cream ... Hit ball ... Hit ball ... Cars go fast ... Catch ball ... Hit ball ... Puppies are cute ... Hit ball ... Socks go inside shoes ... Hit ball ... Catch ball ... Hit ball ... Steroids ... Hit ball ... Keys are shiny ... Hit ball ... Hit ball ... Ladies are pretty ... Catch ball ... I like ketchup ... Catch ball ... Hit ball ... Hit ball ... Garfield. Ha-ha. ... Hit ball ... Hit ball ... Two plus three is — uh-oh. Wait. Crap, what do I do with ball? Oh no, Mr. LaRussa's going to beat me again. Oh yeah! Hit ball!"
I thought there might have been an "I got a wallet!" in there somewhere. Or at least an "I like pizza!"
ReplyDeleteCanseco's going to be on the next Celebrity Apprentice. That should be entertaining for a couple of weeks.