Name: Al Toon
Team: New York Jets
Position: Wide receiver
Value of card: Under par, but in a bad way
Key 1990 stat: He'll take a mulligan
Toon's scorecard for his golf round, June 14, 1990:
Hole No. 1: 6 (inches cut off his sleeves)
Hole No. 2: 5 (hours staring at nothing)
Hole No. 3: 4 (minutes arranging what he referred to as "the front nine")
Hole No. 4: 16 (inches of socks when unfurled)
Hole No. 5: 7 (insults about outfit yelled by playing partner)
Hole No. 6: 5 (jokes about "holes")
Hole No. 7: 4 ('toons watched in the clubhouse by Toon)
Hole No. 8: 2 (pairs of shorts, which is one too many)
Hole No. 9: 7 (length, in inches, of spandex shorts)
Hole No. 10: 3 (haircuts a week to keep flattop looking so smooth)
Hole No. 11: 6 (minutes on the course before Toon changed into this outfit)
Hole No. 12: 5 (ounces of sweat squeezed from wristband)
Hole No. 13: 2 (caddies blinded from the shine from Toon's legs)
Hole No. 14: 5 (references to working on his "putts")
Hole No. 15: 4 (childhoods scarred by this card)
Hole No. 16: 3 (birdies, shoved down his pants)
Hole No. 17: 2 ("huevos" displayed for the world to see)
Hole No. 18: 1 (of the most ridiculous bulges ever photographed)
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