Rob Murphy, 1990 Upper Deck

Name: Rob Murphy
Team: Boston Red Sox
Positions: Pitcher, IT guy
Value of card: One Angelfire account
Key 1989 stat: Owned three brick cellphones
Sporcle's got nothing on this quiz: Why couldn't Rob Murphy come in to pitch in the eighth inning?

A) He was busy doing research for a paper on LexisNexis
B) He had dropped his laptop on his foot, resulting in an amputation
C) His teammates had stuffed him into a locker after giving him a nuclear wedgie
D) His computer had overheated, putting him on the DL with third-degree groin burns
E) He got his floppy disk stuck in his zipper

Rob Murphy, 1990 Upper Deck

Rich "Goose" Gossage, 1986 Topps

Name: Rich "Goose" Gossage
Team: San Diego Padres
Position: Closer
Value of card: 11 goose feathers
Key 1985 stat: 28 men beaten up with just a stare
Here's why you shouldn't mess with the Goose:

• His mustache won't even ask Goose before strangling you.
• He wears dope shades so his stare alone doesn't force you into the fetal position with tears streaming down your cheeks.
• He might be the only man alive who could make that nickname sound manly.
• He's Rich, beeyatch.

Rich "Goose" Gossage, 1986 Topps

Terry Francona, Brad Mills, Bryn Smith, 1982 Topps

Names: Terry Francona, Brad Mills, Bryn Smith
Team: Montreal Expos
Positions: Outfield, third base, pitcher
Value of card: One Canadian penny
Key 1981 stat: All impressed by something off to their right
It's time for a north-of-the-border Matchup:

Round 1: Too manly for actual vowels in first name (Winner: Smith)
Round 2: Too manly for baby blue uniforms (Winner: Mills)
Round 3: Future as a World Series-winning manager (Winner: Francona)
Round 4: Future as Nolan Ryan's record-setting strikeout victim (Winner: Mills)
Round 5: Future as an international mustache-growing competitor (Winner: Smith)
Round 6: Future as an Atrocious Donruss Diamond King (Winner: Smith)
Round 7: Fondness for chicken and beer (Winner: Francona)

Final score: Smith 3, Francona 2, Mills 2

Synopsis: The only man on this card old enough to grow facial hair is also the only man left standing after this futuristic Matchup. Congrats, Bryn; now use your winnings to buy a vowel, eh?

Terry Francona, Brad Mills, Bryn Smith, 1982 Topps

Bruce Bochy, 1987 Topps

Name: Bruce Bochy
Team: San Diego Padres
Position: Catcher
Value of card: Even trade for a 1988 Bruce Bochy Topps card (or, just discard it in the garbage)
Key 1987 stat: Size 8 head
It's time for a future-manager pop quiz:

Just how big is Bruce Bochy's head?

(A) It's so big, Baskin-Robbins used that helmet in a promotional giveaway and filled it with all 32 flavors.
(B) It's so big, he avoiding getting haircuts because he'd get charged double.
(C) It's so big, he has three brains crammed in there.
(D) It's so big, this card weighs 11 pounds.
(E) All of the above.

Bruce Bochy, 1987 Topps

Rich Gale, 1981 Topps

Name: Rich Gale
Team: Kansas City Royals
Position: Pitcher
Value of card: It won't make you rich, and it won't bring you a windfall
Key 1980 stat: Never afraid to rock a soul patch
Here's what Rich Gale stands for:

Royals were lucky to have such a well-coiffed hurler
It's possible, of course, that that's just a red panda resting on his head
Can't tell who Rich is looking at, but we doubt it's anyone as attractive as the hunky Mr. Gale
His hair sported a nifty 3.40 ERA that year, two full runs below Rich's number

Glasses would have knocked down a comeback liner without even taking a scratch...
And that mustache would have caught it
Little silver chain is the best 50 cents anyone ever put in a gumball machine
Everyone who watched this guy pitch agrees: Gale blows

Rich Gale, 1981 Topps

Leon Washington, 2006 Bowman Signs of the Future (Football Friday No. 195)

Name: Leon Washington
Team: New York Jets
Position: Running back
Value of card: One VHS copy of "Boyz n the Hood," half taped over
Key 2006 stat: Two misinterpreted middle-finger salutes
Q-U-I-Z! Quiz! Quiz! Quiz!: What's Leon Washington doing in this photo?

A) Responding to New York fans who booed him and every other Jets pick at the draft
B) Mocking future Jets coach Rex Ryan's man boobs
C) Practicing for his future career as a South African sign language interpreter
D) East siiiiiide!
E) All of the above

Leon Washington, 2006 Bowman Signs of the Future (Football Friday No. 195)

Steve Renko, 1982 Fleer

Name: Steve Renko
Team: Um, Angels, we think
Position: Pitcher. Yeah, must be pitcher.
Value of card: It's clear it's worthless
Key 1981 stat: 17 double-jointed tricks
Acute vision: Let's take a moment to salute Fleer. The card company wasn't afraid to take a risk in 1982. When other companies were worrying about giving collectors cards that were in focus, Fleer made a point not to bend to expectations. The brass at the card company knew a gem when they had one, and they wouldn't let such trivial things as common sense or the minimal standards of photography get in their way. Conventions and clarity be damned, they said. Because they knew that when they had a bulge shot like this, they had to get it in the hands of as many collectors as possible.

Steve Renko, 1982 Fleer

Kelly Gruber, 1991 Fleer Ultra

Name: Kelly Gruber
Team: Toronto Blue Jays
Position: Third base
Value of card: 5 crotches, er, cents
Key 1990 stat: Ultra proud of his man zone
Well, hello: Easy there, Kelly Gruber. You're coming on a little strong. Let's start by removing your crotch from our faces. Yeah, we get it, third base isn't just your position, it's your way of life. Still, the kids might see what you're doing here and get confused. No, no, we're all impressed by your flexibility. It's just that this is neither the appropriate time nor place for such aggressive junk-thrusting. So just take a step back, and let's start over. Nope, it's still there. Nope. Still there. That's it, we're calling the cops.

Card submitted by Douglas Corti

Kelly Gruber, 1991 Fleer Ultra

John Mayberry, 1983 O-Pee-Chee

Name: John Mayberry
Team: New York Yankees
Position: First base/premier-but (*snicker*)
Value of card: One ounce of pork butt
Key 1982 stat: Didn't speak French
O-Pee-Chee gets bold: Hey, we liked John Mayberry as much as the next guy, but to say he has a premier butt? And then to not even show said butt on the card? You've got some explaining to do here, O-Pee-Chee. Kim and Jennifer want to know exactly what it is John has that they don't. Is it the pinstripes? The tight baseball pants? The fact that he bends over and stretches a lot? ... What's that? "Premier-but" is French for "first baseman"? Now that's hilarious.

John Mayberry, 1983 O-Pee-Chee

Sparky Lyle, 1983 O-Pee-Chee Super Veteran

Name: Sparky Lyle
Teams: Boston Red Sox, Chicago White Sox
Position: Pitcher
Value of card: 1983 - 1967 = 16 cents
Key 1982 stat: 17 times he took an O-Pee-Chee in the dugout corner
It's time for a Super Veteran version of The Matchup:

Round 1: Hideous, pseudo-space-age uniform (Winner: 1983 Sparky)
Round 2: 3-inch-deep butt chin (Winner: 1967 Sparky)
Round 3: Honorable mention, Name Hall of Fame (Winner: Tie)
Round 4: Sideburns Dylan McKay would covet (Winner: Tie)
Round 5: Thickness around the midsection (Winner: 1983 Sparky)
Round 6: Fathered 1983 Sparky (Winner: 1967 Sparky)
Round 7: Mustache that just won't stop, just won't quit (Winner: 1983 Sparky)

Score: 1983 Sparky 3, 1967 Sparky 2, Ties 2

Synopsis: In the battle of Sparky vs. Sparky, the older, hairier version grabs the victory with a mustache for the ages.

Sparky Lyle, 1983 O-Pee-Chee Super Veteran

Kent Tekulve, 1986 Topps

Name: Kent Tekulve
Team: Philadelphia Phillies
Position: Closer
Value of card: One submarine sandwich
Key 1985 stat: 10, maybe 12 die-hard fans
Let's meet Kent Tekulve's biggest fans:

• That guy sitting way up there in Section 323 in center field, who loves Tekulve's Aviator sunglasses.
• That woman sitting way up there in Section 346 in right field, who raises sidewinder snakes and has fantasies about Tekulve's sidewinder delivery.
• That kid sitting up there in Section 242 in left-center field, who will forever consider Tekulve the standard against which all other tall, gangly athletes will be measured.
• That bullpen catcher sitting down there in center field, who Tekulve once saved in a knife fight in the back of a shady Chinese restaurant after a life-or-death game of backgammon.
• That Topps photographer standing in front of Tekulve, who considers the closer one of the greatest 1980s baseball card subjects of all-time. Of all-time.

Kent Tekulve, 1986 Topps

Ed Figueroa, 1981 Topps

Name: Ed Figueroa
Team: Texas Rangers
Position: Pitcher
Value of card: Nada, deep in the heart of Texas
Key 1980 stat: 365 days, zero haircuts
It's time for a Texas-size pop quiz:

Just how rough-and-tumble was Ed Figueroa's life?

(A) He once shot dead eight desperados with a six-shooter.
(B) He once drank three bottles of XXX whiskey, and then peed into a bottle, and then drank from that bottle of what had become XXXX whiskey.
(C) He once smoked a thick cigar, chewed a can of tobacco and smoked a pack of nonfiltered cigarettes — and then he woke up.
(D) He once rode the meanest bucking bull in three states for eight minutes; they were later married.
(E) All of the above.

Ed Figueroa, 1981 Topps

Detroit Lions, 1982 Fleer (Football Friday No. 194)

Name: Detroit Lions (some of them, at least)
Team: See above
Position: Live, in action!
Value of card: Being stuck outside in Detroit in December
Key 1982 stat: Not very many wins
Changing history: "Setting Up the Screen Pass" is a perfectly fine title for the above card. Here are a few options Fleer decided against.

• Setting Up for Failure
• Another Losing Season
• It Kind of Looks Like 44 is Touching 70's Butt
• Eric Hipple's Longest Pass of the Year
• At Least the Field Appears to Be in Good Shape ... Oh, Wait
• Maybe this Series Wasn't Such a Good Idea

Detroit Lions, 1982 Fleer (Football Friday No. 194)

Kirt Manwaring, 1991 Score

Name: Kirt Manwaring
Team: San Francisco Giants
Position: Catcher
Value of card: An 8-ounce glass of San Francisco street puddle water
Key 1990 stat: 716 times opponents made snide comments about his last name
It's time for The Caption, which most likely never ran in The San Francisco Chronicle in the early 1990s: "Kirt Manwaring, left, of the San Francisco Giants, engages in a knock-down, drag-out fight with Chicago Cubs first baseman Mark Grace, right, after a violent game of Twister that started when Grace barreled into Manwaring at home and challenged the catcher to a best-hair contest to decide whether the run would count despite the basic rules of baseball, which, obviously, disallow such childish behavior by two grown men with spectacular coifs, on Wednesday at Candlestick Park in San Francisco."

Kirt Manwaring, 1991 Score

Jim Moore, 1985 TCMA

Name: Jim Moore
Team: Fort Myers Royals
Position: Traveling secretary (not just some fat guy who was at the ballpark, OK?)
Value of card: An old boarding pass from two years ago
Key 1984 stat: Jokingly mispronounced Fort Myers as "Fart Myers" 71 times
A career journeyman: Jim Moore bounced around the minors for years, never quite able to get over the hump and earn a call-up to the show. His was an up-and-down career coming into 1984. It seemed like every time he would score a huge discount on a four-star hotel, he'd follow it up by sitting along the roadside after the team bus broke down, unable to secure a replacement for hours on end. But Moore's big breakthrough finally came that same year with the Fort Myers Royals. Using his rugged good looks and sharp sense of style, Moore sweet-talked his way into the heart of one of Tampa's richest female executives, persuading her to sell her Learjet to the team for just pennies on the dollar. The decision-makers in Kansas City took notice, and Jim Moore was soon on his way to the bigs, saying goodbye to the minors forever and leaving yet another woman brokenhearted.

Card submitted by Douglas Corti

Jim Moore, 1985 TCMA

Mike Krukow and Duane Kuiper, 1981 Topps

Names: Duane Kuiper, Mike Krukow
Teams: Cleveland Indians, Chicago Cubs
Positions: Second base, pitcher
Value of cards: As many cents as Kuiper's career home run total (combined)
Key 1980 stat: 14 times dreaming of sitting next to each other doing play-by-play (combined)
It's time for a San Francisco edition of The Matchup, which features current Giants TV broadcast partners Duane Kuiper and Mike Krukow:

Round 1: Carefree attitude seen in unkempt hairstyle (Winner: Tie)
Round 2: Choice of cummerbund instead of baseball belt (Winner: Tie)
Round 3: Lack of buttons on Little League-quality jersey (Winner: Tie)
Round 4: Sensational staring technique (Winner: Tie)
Round 5: Animal magnetism — mad animal magnetism (Winner: Tie)
Round 6: Admiration for sleeves cut off with kindergarten safety scissors (Winner: Tie)
Round 7: Career home runs (Winner: Krukow)

Score: Krukow 1, Kuiper 0, Ties 6

Synopsis: When you have a Matchup that features two professionals who are so linked, you know it's going to be close. Indeed, this edition's margin of victory was razor-thin, but when the dust had settled, Krukow told Kuiper, "Grab some pine, meat."

Mike Krukow and Duane Kuiper, 1981 Topps

Jose Canseco, 1989 Donruss 40/40 Club

Name: Jose Canseco
Team: Oakland A's
Position: Outfield
Value of card: 40/40 = 1 cent
Key 1988 stat: 40 (yup, just 40)
Some of the 40/40 clubs that Jose Canseco belonged to:

• 40 home runs / 40 stolen bases
• 40 ounces of mullet / 40 hats to cover mullet
• 40 yellow jerseys / 40 A's fans blinded by yellow jerseys
• 40 pieces of jewelry / 40 cents spent on vending machine jewelry
• 40 times mistaken for Ozzie Canseco / 40 times mistaken for a decent human being
• 40 holes in 5 square inches of mesh jersey / 40 holes in many of his drugs-in-baseball stories

Jose Canseco, 1989 Donruss 40/40 Club

Steve Sharts, 1990 CMC (Fan Appreciation Week No. 7)

Name: Steve Sharts (yes!)
Team: Scranton-Wilkes Barre Red Barrons
Position: Pitcher
Value of card: Half the discs from a DVD set of Season 8 of "The Office"
Key 1989 stat: Stood 5' 11" (6' 7" with hair)
Don't strain too hard over this poop pop quiz: Which statement best describes Steve Sharts' baseball career?

(A) He tried to force it on the mound.
(B) His numbers stunk to high heaven.
(C) As much talent as scouts thought he had, only a little came out.
(D) He was a stain on the Red Barons' franchise.
(E) All of the above

Card submitted by Al Filipczak

Steve Sharts, 1990 CMC (Fan Appreciation Week No. 7)

Charlie Hayes, 1996 Upper Deck (Fan Appreciation Week No. 6)

Name: Charlie Hayes
Team: Pittsburgh Pirates
Position: Third base
Value of card: A roll of film, exposed to sunlight
Key 1995 stat: Traded (again)
Hot corner focus: When he wasn't playing baseball or being traded, Charlie Hayes liked to snap a few photos with his 3-foot telephoto lens. Here are some of the more candid shots he got while with the Pirates.

• Jim Leyland chain smoking
• Carlos Garcia being sewn together from body parts
• Al Martin wearing a leather jersey
• Zane Smith chewing on a clipboard
• Jay Bell dressing like an actual pirate

Card submitted by FatShawnKemp.com

Charlie Hayes, 1996 Upper Deck (Fan Appreciation Week No. 6)

Gary Carter, 1989 Bowman (Fan Appreciation Week No. 5)

Name: Gary Carter
Team: New York Mets
Position: Catcher
Value of card: Abject terror
Key 1988 stat: 138 runners tagged out after petrifying them with the above glare
Holy jeebus: Dear lord, run away, Ryne Sandberg! Who cares if you go out of the baseline      Gary Carter is turning into some sort of hellbeast right before our very eyes! He means to wrap our bodies in catcher's pads made of fire and then eat our souls! Fly, you fools!

Card submitted by Walt Lindberg

Gary Carter, 1989 Bowman (Fan Appreciation Week No. 5)

Ted Simmons, 1983 Milton Bradley Championship Baseball (Reader Appreciation Week No. 4)

Name: Ted Simmons
Team: Milwaukee Brewers, Team Hot Dog on a Stick
Position: Catcher
Value of card: Ink stains on your new shirt
Key 1982 stat: Won 719 staring contests
Rewriting history: Ted Simmons played for the Milwaukee Brewers in the early 1980s, a team that never, not even once, sported a cap that looked like the one above. Ah, the miracle of airbrushing. However, this particular artist, employed by the nation's premiere board-game maker, didn't stop at the hat. Here are some other ways in which this airbrusher went too far:

• Ted Simmons' jersey had a yellow stripe on the collar, not a red one.
• Ted Simmons' mullet has been mysteriously chopped down to size.
• Only through the magic of airbrushing could Ted Simmons' five-o'clock shadow be removed.
• The real Ted Simmons wore glasses.
• Ted Simmons was actually black.

Card suggested by Tyler Kepner

Ted Simmons, 1983 Milton Bradley Championship Baseball (Reader Appreciation Week No. 4)

Tim Stoddard, 1989-90 Topps Senior Baseball (Fan Appreciation Week No. 3)

Name: Tim Stoddard
Team: West Palm Beach Tropics
Position: Pitcher
Value of card: One arthritic hip
Key 1989-90 stat: Zero autographs actually requested from this guy
Top 10 possible explanations for this bizarre card:
10) It's promotional material for "Weekend at Bernie's 3: Dead on the Diamond."
9) It's an actual dead man being propped up for entertainment purposes.
8) It's one of those things that you stand behind and place your head in the cutout for photos.
7) Considering his hands are as big as his head, it must be George "The Animal" Steele in disguise.
6) It's concept art for the unwanted sequel to "Semi-Pro."
5) Topps was just putting its surplus of wood-grain framing to good use.
4) Oh, like you don't have glossy photos of Tim Stoddard that you're just dying to have autographed.
3) It's entirely possible that this is a photo of Tim Stoddard burping while sleepwalking.
2) It's just a cheap rip-off of this Al Hrabosky card.
1) Clearly, this was the liveliest photo from the entire Senior Professional Baseball Association season.

Card submitted by Sean Griffin

Tim Stoddard, 1989-90 Topps Senior Baseball (Fan Appreciation Week No. 3)

Motorboat Jones, 1994 Upper Deck Top Prospects (Fan Appreciation Week No. 2)

Name: Eugene "Motoroboat" Jones
Team: Chatanooga Lookouts
Position: Outfield
Value of card: A fish hook stuck in your finger
Key 1993 stat: Did not own a motor boat
This pop quiz is taking on water: How did Motorboat Jones get his name?

(A) Constant flatulence
(B) He carried an aroma of fish guts and sea captains
(C) A series of sexual harassment suits involving his face and women's cleavage
(D) Teams that purchased his contract always regretted it within a few months and rarely used him
(E) All of the above

Card submitted by Andrew Boggs 

Motorboat Jones, 1994 Upper Deck Top Prospects (Fan Appreciation Week No. 2)

Trevor Mallory, 1992 Topps Stadium Club (Fan Appreciation Week No. 1)

Name: Trevor Mallory
Team: Toronto Blue Jays
Position: Draft pick, pitcher
Value of card: Humor value: high; monetary value: nonexistent
Key 1991 stat: Only season at any pro level with more wins than losses (2-1)
Welcome to Fan Appreciation Week: We here at the Bust like to joke around that only six people read our site, but the truth is that our fan base is easily double that number. (Hi, Mom!) And those loyal fans of ours, from time to time, send us some pretty amazing cards to mock. We work them in from time to time, but this week we've decided to give them a special place of honor, running seven of them back to back. This one's for the fans!
Blue Jays scouting report, circa 1991, on second-round draft pick Trevor Mallory: "If this kid's fastball ever catches up to his fade, look out! ... Needs to work on slider, curveball, ability to button his clothes. ... In his high school yearbook, he was voted most likely to join Bell Biv Devoe, and those guys rule, so that's gotta be worth something. ... Says his favorite food is those little vienna sausages that come in a can. Worrisome. ... Once struck out 10 batters and struck out with 10 girls all in the same day. ... Says he has no problem with removing his earring since it's made of plastic anyway. ... We project that he, much like his shirt, will be a front-line starter for many years to come."

Card submitted by Douglas Corti

Trevor Mallory, 1992 Topps Stadium Club (Fan Appreciation Week No. 1)

Whitey Herzog, 1982 Donruss (Return of Coach-Manager Week No. 7)

Name: Dorrel Norman Evert "Whitey" Herzog
Team: St. Louis "Cards"
Position: Manager
Value of card: One lesson on how not to wear a jacket
Key 1981 stat: 27 people punched for calling him by his given name
Top 10 things that could be found in Whitey Herzog's face wrinkles:

10) Brisket
9) A properly adjusted collar
8) Loose beard hairs from Bruce Sutter
7) More wrinkles
6) A mother's love
5) That day's lineup card
4) The rest of his sideburns
3) The rest of his turtleneck
2) Blueprints for the Gateway Arch
1) A cure for Willie McGee's homeliness

Whitey Herzog, 1982 Donruss (Return of Coach-Manager Week No. 7)

Rich Kotite, 1991 Pro Line Portraits (Return of Coach-Manager Week No. 6)

Name: Rich Kotite
Team: Philadelphia Eagles
Position: Head coach
Value of card: 8 pounds of eagle droppings
Key 1990 stat: 164 stripes on his sweater
Here's what Eagles head coach Rich Kotite stands for:

Rich in sweaters, not in love
Itchy as anyone in America in this outfit
Cardigan? Not on your life, pal
Has wool running through his veins

Knit was more than a description of his outerwear; it was a way of life
Outside he's warm; inside, a cold, cold man
Turtleneck alert! Turtleneck alert!
Inspired hundreds of Philadelphia-area mothers to embarrass their kids in similar sweaters
Traded season tickets for a lint roller
Each strand of sweater, a statement in early 1990s fashion

Rich Kotite, 1991 Pro Line Portraits (Return of Coach-Manager Week No. 6)

Mike Ditka, Diana Ditka, 1992 Pro Line Spirit (Return of Coach-Manager Week No. 5)

Names: Diana Ditka, Mike Ditka
Teams: Biker Mamas, Chicago Bears
Position: Coach's wife, head coach
Value of card: Two pairs of white pants (same style) for the price of one
Key 1991 stat: 182,290 bugs in teeth (combined)
Clearing up some rumors about Mike Ditka and his lovely wife, Diana:

• Diana Ditka does not use the phrase "riding the hog" when talking about motorcycles. That's the phrase she uses when discussing her married sex life.
• Mike Ditka is not wearing David Puddy's 8-ball jacket from "Seinfeld." He's wearing an even more ludicrous jacket.
• Mike Ditka does, in fact, take his wife everywhere on his motorcycle. But she keeps finding her way home.
• Mike Ditka does, in fact, need to wear a motorcycle helmet for safety. Diana does not     her hair serves the same purpose.
• This is not Mike Ditka's most embarrassing moment. That would be this video of him yelling at a bunch of kids about flushing the toilet (preferably after putting this card in it).

Mike Ditka, Diana Ditka, 1992 Pro Line Spirit (Return of Coach-Manager Week No. 5)

Jim Leyland, 2009 Topps (Return of Coach-Manager Week No. 4)

Name: Jim Leyland
Team: Detroit Tigers
Position: Manager
Value of card: 11 cigarette butts
Key 2008 stat: 14 pet tigers that Jim Leyland kept outside his lair
Let's take a look at Jim Leyland, by the numbers: 

.330: Batting practice batting average
.606: Batting practice slugging percentage
.999: Batting practice OPS

44: Batting practice home runs
139: Batting practice RBIs
377: Batting practice total bases

Er, wait. Those were Miguel Cabrera's 2012 statistics. Here are the numbers we were looking for:

.330: Batting practice expletives-per-sentence average
.606: Batting practice tobacco ingestion average
.999: Batting practice mustache average

44: Batting practice reporter cuss-outs
139: Batting practice farts blamed on the dog
377: Batting practice jockstrap readjustments

Jim Leyland, 2009 Topps (Return of Coach-Manager Week No. 4)

Billy Martin, 1972 Topps (Return of Coach-Manager Week No. 3)

Name: Billy Martin
Team: Detroit Tigers
Position: Manager
Value of card: Knowing that Billy Martin thinks you're No. 1
Key 1971 stat: Not yet fired by the Yankees
Let's run down The Chances:

What are the chances ...
Billy Martin is flipping off baseball card collectors everywhere: 37%
Billy Martin is flipping off the photographer: 64%
Billy Martin had a premonition and is pre-emptively flipping off George Steinbrenner: 100%

What are the chances ...
This card caused children to stop collecting sports cards: 4%
This card caused mothers to stop buying cards for their kids: 20%
This card caused Topps to start oh-so-discreetly airbrushing photos: 100%
 

What are the chances ...
Billy Martin felt ashamed after seeing this card: 12%
Billy Martin felt proud after seeing this card: 33%
Billy Martin continued to feel drunk after seeing this card: 100%

Billy Martin, 1972 Topps (Return of Coach-Manager Week No. 3)

Jim Fregosi, 1981 Donruss (Return of Coach-Manager Week No. 2)

Name: Jim Fregosi
Team: California Angels
Position: Manager
Value of card: The yellow stitching from the halo in a sweat-soiled Angels hat
Key 1980 stat: 22 gold chains worn underneath jersey
It's time for a batting-practice pop quiz:

What has Angels manager the late Jim Fregosi so enraptured?

(A) He looked to his right and saw a man with more bodacious sideburns than his, and that man was an Elvis Presley impersonator.
(B) He looked to his right and saw a real angel, and that angel told him he should be an Elvis Presley impersonator.
(C) He looked to his right and saw a man dressed like Elvis Presley with an angel's halo and wings, and that man told him to keep growing his bodacious sideburns.
(D) He looked to his right and saw his reflection in a mirror, and thought, "Geez, I'm an Angel with Elvis Presley sideburns."
(E) All of the above.

Jim Fregosi, 1981 Donruss (Return of Coach-Manager Week No. 2)