Eric Show, 1991 Topps Stadium Club

Name: Eric Show
Team: Oakland A's
Position: Pitcher
Value of card: One used G string
Key 1990 stat: Mastered the art of seduction
Music and mullets: Major League hurler Eric Show also knew his way around a guitar. Here are a few songs he penned.

•  "White Pants Blues"
• "Hammock of Love"
• "That Old Curly Mullet Magic"
• "Those Aren't Blood Stains on My Patio"
• "Check Out My Big-Bodied, Long-Necked Beauty      and My Guitar"

 Card submitted by Brian Blaine

Eric Show, 1991 Topps Stadium Club

Bernie Kosar, 1992 Pro Line Portraits (Shameful Sunday Portraits No. 67)

Name: Bernie Kosar
Team: Cleveland Browns
Position: Quarterback
Value of card: Splinters
Key 1992 stat: Five times had to call the fire department to get him out of a tree
Fun facts about Bernie Kosar and trees:

• Trees are made of wood. Judging from the way he moved around the pocket, so was Kosar.
• A large tree, such as a mature oak, can use 110 gallons of water a day. Kosar, never mature enough to turn down a challenge, once chugged an equal amount of Stroh's in a day.
• Some trees, such as oaks, create seeds that fall to the ground. That's where most of Kosar's passes fell, as well.
• Trees are planted in soil. On game days, Kosar was also often planted in soil by the D-line.
• In the fall, many trees' leaves turn vibrant colors, such as red, orange and yellow. Kosar's shirt still put those trees to shame.

Bernie Kosar, 1992 Pro Line Portraits (Shameful Sunday Portraits No. 67)

Thurman Thomas, 1992 Pro Line Portraits (Shameful Sunday Portraits No. 66)

Name: Thurman Thomas
Team: Buffalo Bills
Position: Running back
Value of card: See those red, down-pointing arrows? Yeah, a few of those.
Key 1992 stat: Nothing left to the imagination
Thurman Thomas' train of thought from 10:34 to 10:36 a.m., March 14, 1992: "Mmm, yeah, girl. I see you watching from up there in the stands. You like what you see, don't you? Hold on, let me fully extend this leg so you can see the muscle definition. Oooh, yeah. Can't take your eyes off me now. You must be jealous of this Lycra      it's clinging to me, which is just what you want to do, ain't it? What's that? You want me to move my arm so you can see my bulge? Welly, well, well. Don't mind if I      wait! Is that my mom?! Oh, gross, gross, gross!"

Thurman Thomas, 1992 Pro Line Portraits (Shameful Sunday Portraits No. 66)

Randall Cunningham, 1992 Pro Line Portraits (Shameful Sunday Portraits No. 62)

Name: Randall Cunningham
Team: Philadelphia Eagles
Position: Quarterback
Value of card: Lots of leg
Key 1992 stat: One surgically repaired knee
Top 10 things about this card:

10) The mustache
9) The cinderblock wall
8) The T-shirt
7) The rehab machine/torture device
6) The panic button atop the rehab machine/torture device
5) The flat-top
4) The stare-at-my-crotch poster
3) The shorts
2) The shorts
1) Definitely the shorts

Randall Cunningham, 1992 Pro Line Portraits (Shameful Sunday Portraits No. 62)

John Elway, 1992 Pro Line Portraits (Shameful Sunday Portraits No. 60)

Name: John Elway
Team: Denver Broncos
Position: Quarterback
Value of card: One free spin class
Key 1992 stat: Two creamy thighs
Here's what John Elway stands for:

Join a gym already, buddy
Oh, and maybe get a tan, too?
How many plants do you have in that "exercise room" anyway?
Nowadays, they grow different vegetation in Colorado, amirite?

Exercise cycle from the '90s or arcade version of "Excite Bike"?
Little blue tiles are easier to look at than those little blue shorts
Wearing a shirt with your name on it is the move of a champion
Always a fan of the mini-mullet
Yes, Elway still rides that same bike to this very day

John Elway, 1992 Pro Line Portraits (Shameful Sunday Portraits No. 60)

Dan McGwire, 1992 Pro Line Portraits (Shameful Sunday Portraits No. 56)

Name: Zubaz      er, Dan McGwire
Team: Seattle Seahawks
Position: Quarterback
Value of card: Two stripes
Key 1992 stat: Refused to be photographed from the waist up
Clairvoyance: Don't get us wrong, this Pro Line Portrait definitely is shameful. Ol' Danny boy here has more shoes than a Foot Locker and pants loud enough to make Marlee Matlin wince, after all. But what's more amazing is the prescience of the photographer who took this shot. He clearly knew that 20 years later, Dan McGwire would be a faceless figure, forgotten about and relegated to lists of biggest draft busts in NFL history, but that Zubaz pants would live forever. All hail the Zubaz!

Dan McGwire, 1992 Pro Line Portraits (Shameful Sunday Portraits No. 56)

Burt Grossman, 1991 Pro Line Portraits (Shameful Sunday Portraits No. 53)

Name: Burt Grossman
Team: San Diego Chargers
Position: Defensive end
Value of card: Bupkis
Key 1991 stat: Four pairs of lightning-bolt shorts owned
Burt Grossman's online dating profile circa 1991: 

Screen name: NotSoGrossMan1
Age: 24
Height: 6' 4"
Weight: 270 lbs.
Hair color: San Diego Padre brown
Hairstyle: Behatted
Facial hair: Waxed
Ethnicity: Beach bro
Marital status: Married      to the gridiron
Want children? I would love a little Grossman
Smoke? And ruin this babyface? No way.
Drink? I've done a keg stand before.
Best feature: Thighs

Seeking: Hey laaaaaadies!
Her body type: San Diego
Her ethnicity: Tanned
Her interests: Shorts, smooth skin, not making fun of people's names

About me: Look, ladies, despite my name, I'm the cleanest man you'll ever meet. I don't tolerate a mess in my house      or on my body. Except for what's on top of my head, I'm completely hairless. I feel that this gives me a competitive advantage, both on the field and off. It makes me harder to block, but it also accentuates my muscular legs and the fact that my neck is wider than my forehead. So drop me a line and let's show each other some skin.

Burt Grossman, 1991 Pro Line Portraits (Shameful Sunday Portraits No. 53)

Reggie Miller and Cheryl Miller, 1994 Upper Deck USA Basketball (NBA Playoffs Week No. 2)

Names: Reggie and Cheryl Miller
Team: Team Saddest Prom Night
Positions: Guard, forward
Value of card: As much awkwardness as you can fit in a photo
Key 1994 stat: Endless chants of "Cheryl's better!"
It's another family Matchup:

Round 1: Awesome haircut (Winner: Cheryl)
Round 2: Jacket big enough for the whole family (Winner: Reggie)
Round 3: Looks completely comfortable (Winner: Tie      neither)
Round 4: Got along better with Spike Lee (Winner: Cheryl)
Round 5: Worked with a guy nicknamed the Dunking Dutchman (Winner: Reggie)
Round 6: Less dorky (Winner: Cheryl, barely)
Round 7: More likely to survive being hit by that basketball-shaped meteor (Winner: Cheryl)

Final score: Cheryl 4, Reggie 2 (Ties: 1)

Synopsis: Reggie may have once scored 8 points in 9 seconds, but he wasn't quick enough to beat his sister today. Once again, Mr. Miller, Cheryl is better.

Reggie Miller and Cheryl Miller, 1994 Upper Deck USA Basketball (NBA Playoffs Week No. 2)

Trevor Mallory, 1992 Topps Stadium Club (Fan Appreciation Week No. 1)

Name: Trevor Mallory
Team: Toronto Blue Jays
Position: Draft pick, pitcher
Value of card: Humor value: high; monetary value: nonexistent
Key 1991 stat: Only season at any pro level with more wins than losses (2-1)
Welcome to Fan Appreciation Week: We here at the Bust like to joke around that only six people read our site, but the truth is that our fan base is easily double that number. (Hi, Mom!) And those loyal fans of ours, from time to time, send us some pretty amazing cards to mock. We work them in from time to time, but this week we've decided to give them a special place of honor, running seven of them back to back. This one's for the fans!
Blue Jays scouting report, circa 1991, on second-round draft pick Trevor Mallory: "If this kid's fastball ever catches up to his fade, look out! ... Needs to work on slider, curveball, ability to button his clothes. ... In his high school yearbook, he was voted most likely to join Bell Biv Devoe, and those guys rule, so that's gotta be worth something. ... Says his favorite food is those little vienna sausages that come in a can. Worrisome. ... Once struck out 10 batters and struck out with 10 girls all in the same day. ... Says he has no problem with removing his earring since it's made of plastic anyway. ... We project that he, much like his shirt, will be a front-line starter for many years to come."

Card submitted by Douglas Corti

Trevor Mallory, 1992 Topps Stadium Club (Fan Appreciation Week No. 1)

Doug Linton, 1992 Bowman (Return of Bowman Fashion Week No. 5)

Name: Doug Linton
Team: Toronto Blue Jays
Position: Pitcher
Value of card: Two Easter eggs with dead chicks inside
Key 1991 stat: 52 Sundays at church
Today's fashion model: Here we have Doug Linton, a good boy who always listened to his mother when it came to his fashion choices in the early 1990s. Dougie made sure he tucked in his shirt and ironed his khakis every day. On Sundays, he would dress nicely for church, but he saved his best pastel shirt for Easter. Above, we see him after the Easter service and family IHOP brunch, when his parents drove him to the local Sears for the annual springtime shoot. Soon after this photo was taken, lil' Dougie got his reward for being such a good boy: a chance to sit on the Easter Bunny's lap and feel his eggs.

Doug Linton, 1992 Bowman (Return of Bowman Fashion Week No. 5)

Jeff Jackson, 1992 Bowman (Return of Bowman Fashion Week No. 4)

Name: Jeff Jackson
Teams: Philadelphia Phillies, "A Different World" cast
Position: Outfield
Value of card: That coin hanging from Jackson's neck
Key 1991 stat: 26 minutes posing in front of a paint crew's truck
Today's fashion model: Here we have Jeff Jackson, who was, obviously, a colorful guy. When Jackson was asked to explain his fashion style, he projectile-vomited after eating a rainbow-color snow cone and everyone agreed he nailed his explanation. When he mistakenly entered the Federal Institute for the Blind, 12 men wearing dark glasses and being led around by service dogs turned to him and said, "That's a hideous shirt." When he walked into a geometry class, the teacher hung Jackson's shirt on the blackboard and said, "Study that." When he stopped to look at a graffiti artist's mural, the wall slunk away in embarrassment. When he tried to buy stereo equipment, the workers asked him to turn down the volume on his shirt. So here's to Jeff Jackson, the brightest guy in the room.

Jeff Jackson, 1992 Bowman (Return of Bowman Fashion Week No. 4)

Dave Doorneweerd, 1992 Bowman (Return of Bowman Fashion Week No. 3)

Name: Dave Doorneweerd
Team: Augusta Pirates
Position: Pitcher
Value of card: Two chicken legs (like Dave's      not actual food)
Key 1991 stat: One funky last name
Today's fashion model: Here we have Dave Doorneweerd, and while his name may be "weerd" indeed, his taste in clothing is impeccable. Dave appears to pondering the depths of fashion while wearing a multicolored polo shirt that has been through the wash approximately 2,083 times. Sure, it's a little faded now, but when that baby was new, it could be seen from space. Some style experts may say that four colors is too many when it comes to casual wear, but Dave proves that theory wrong. Sadly, this photo fails to show us what, if anything, this young pitcher is wearing below the waist. Whatever it is, you can tell that Mr. Doorneweerd isn't afraid to show a little skin. Keep up the bold choices, Dave, and we're sure the majors will be calling any day now!

Dave Doorneweerd, 1992 Bowman (Return of Bowman Fashion Week No. 3)

Joe Perona, 1992 Bowman (Return of Bowman Fashion Week No. 1)

Name: Joe Perona
Team: Lakeland Tigers 
Position: Catcher
Value of card: An empty bottle of Peroni
Key 1991 stat: Due to fair skin, unable to stand in the sun for more than five minutes
Spring training + spring fashion = the return of a classic: A few months back, the Bust set the fashion world on its head with Bowman Fashion Week, seven days' worth of cards from the 1992 Bowman set featuring a bunch of rookies and minor-leaguers wearing atrocious clothing. It was so popular, traffic to our site more than doubled, garnering up to 20 visitors per day. Hey, we're not ones to mess with success, so cover your eyeballs      it's time for more early '90s style.

Today's fashion model: Here we see Detroit Tigers draft choice Joe Perona taking a break in the shade. Too bad, Joe      your clothes are still hot! Joe's wearing an oversize button-down that incorporates every color known to man. And yes, those buttons do go all the way up. What's that you say? The pattern looks like somebody threw this shirt into the dryer with a bag of Skittles? Well, it's time to taste the rainbow! The bagginess of Joe's shirt is a tactical choice, covering his underdeveloped biceps and girlish waist, thus making him look more like an actual athlete. Downstairs, Joe's wearing a pair of his dad's Dockers and his only belt, a classic black number that he's had since he was 14. And while Joe will never make it past AA in baseball, that black leather wristwatch is ready for The Show. Cheers to you Joe      looking like this, you'll never be Perona non grata!

Joe Perona, 1992 Bowman (Return of Bowman Fashion Week No. 1)

Matt Drews, 1997 All Sport Plus Past Present Future

Name: Matt Drews
Team: Some Detroit Tigers farm team or other
Positions: Pitcher, radar gun holder, jorts model
Value of card: In cents, the same number of starts he made in the majors (Hint: Less than one)
Key 1996 1998 stat: Led the International League in hit batsmen (not making that up)
Past, present, and future: This wonderful baseball card set featured some of sports' greatest heroes, then-current stars and biggest prospects. It also featured what appears to be a close-up photo of a graham cracker at the bottom, but we digress. Here's the past, present and future of Matt Drews at the time the above photo was taken.

Past: His best fastball; his best breaking ball; all self-respect; the touch of a woman who wasn't being paid.
Present: Not being allowed on the field; holding a radar gun that doesn't work; drawing obscene images on his notepad instead of taking notes; wondering why his photo is being taken when he's in the stands.
Future: Two straight seasons at Toledo with 14 or more losses and a 7-plus ERA; a job at a car rental agency; more jorts; being mocked on a mediocre baseball card blog.

Matt Drews, 1997 All Sport Plus Past Present Future

Jose Rijo, 1995 Upper Deck Collector's Choice

Name: Jose Rijo
Team: Cincinnati Reds
Position: Pitcher
Value of card: $5? No way, Jose
Key 1994 stat: One letter away from a Reds player with the last name "Rojo"
It's time for a shady pop quiz:

Why is Jose Rijo wearing those sunglasses?

(A) He pulled them out of a box of Honey Smacks.
(B) He was a huge P.M. Dawn fan.
(C) He always viewed the world through rose-colored glasses, so what the hell.
(D) He just returned from guest starring on "A Different World."
(E) All of the above.

Jose Rijo, 1995 Upper Deck Collector's Choice

David Robinson, 1992-93 Skybox David Robinson Flagship Series (Heinous Hoops Week No. 4)

Name: David Robinson
Team: San Antonio Spurs
Position: Center
Value of card: Catching the last 12 seconds of Bob Seger's "Turn the Page" on the radio
Key 1992-93 stat: One smudge of blue paint
A legend from down under: Few people know that Australian rock band Men At Work used to be David Robinson's favorite music group. Indeed, when the Aussies broke up and stopped touring in 1986, The Admiral was crushed. Robinson, who knew the saxophone part to "Who Can It Be Now?" by heart, took it upon himself in the early '90s to form a Men at Work cover band, called Men at Lurk, in San Antonio. Robinson and his bandmates would play nightclubs and city parks before being chased off by bouncers, police officers, and members of the general public. But everything changed in 1996 when Men at Work founder Colin Hay, while visiting the Lone Star State, heard Men at Lurk covering "Down Under." Hay was so horrified by the poor attempt at his music that he immediately reformed his own band and got a restraining order against Robinson's group. The Admiral, saddened, locked himself in his bedroom and played the intro from George Michael's "Careless Whisper" for the next two days straight.

David Robinson, 1992-93 Skybox David Robinson Flagship Series (Heinous Hoops Week No. 4)

Larry Johnson, 1991 Classic (Heinous Hoops Week No. 1)

Name: Larry Johnson
Team: UNLV Runnin' Rebels
Position: Forward
Value of card: Two tickets to the gun show
Key 1991 stat: Ran, but didn't rebel very much
They shoot, they miss: We're a couple weeks into basketball season, and the good people at the Bust are fired up. Despite your requests, we've decided to bring you another week of basketball cards so bad, so ugly, so absurd, that, well, they'll fit right in on this blog. So put on your shortest short-shorts and get ready to start flopping      it's time for Heinous Hoops Week.
Transcript from a late-night Las Vegas-area TV commercial, circa 1991: "Hello, Las Vegas! I'm Larry Johnson. You may know me for my talent on the basketball court, my python-like biceps, or my penchant for wearing multiple pairs of shorts at the same time. And while it's true that I like shooting hoops, I also love shooting guns!" (Cut to footage of a shirtless LJ firing a rifle in the desert) "That's right, handguns, shotguns, machine guns, I love 'em all. I even fired a Gatling gun one time! Thanks, UNLV boosters! Anyway, that's why I've opened up my own shop. At Johnson's Guns, you'll find every type of firearm and ammunition you could want. But don't take it from me      take it from this old gunslinger! (UNLV mascot Hey Reb dances into the shot, firing live rounds from actual pistols) "AAHHHH! HE SHOT ME! OH MY GOD, I'M GONNA KILL YOU, YOU SON OF A     " (Cut to color bars)

Larry Johnson, 1991 Classic (Heinous Hoops Week No. 1)

Deion Sanders, 1992 Classic

Name: Deion Sanders
Team: Atlanta Braves
Position: Outfield
Value of card: It's still dropping
Key 1991 stat: Still not good at baseball
Get to the choppa: What's our buddy Deion Sanders dropping in on?

A) The 1992 Hideous Tracksuit Convention
B) The 1992 Atlanta Thumps-Up Championship
C) The jewelry store      he clearly needs another gold anklet
D) A rally of Braves fans who want him to just play football
E) The taping of a news story about people who wear stupid hats

Deion Sanders, 1992 Classic

Craig Biggio, 1993 Milk Bone Super Stars

Names: Craig Biggio, Shelbee the dog
Team: Houston Astros, Houston Fleabags
Positions: Second base, family pet
Value of card: One lick from either of the above
Key 1992 stat: For Biggio, less fashion sense than his dog
Shelbee the dog's train of thought from 11:29 to 11:31 a.m., Feb. 2, 1993: "Dad, why are you spelling my name out for that stranger? And how many times do I have to tell you, it's 'Shelby,' with a Y. Only an idiot would use two E's. ... Oh, it's picture time? Great! You're going to change your clothes, right? Um, dad? You're not going to wear a tucked-in T-shirt and a brand-new white ball cap, right? ... No, let go of me! I can't be seen with you like this! Oh doggone-it, why are you sitting down? No, don't      no, don't spread your legs like that! Those jeans are tighter than my collar! Everyone will be able to see the Killer B's! ... Jeez, this is embarrassing. That's it, I'm pooping in your cleats."

Craig Biggio, 1993 Milk Bone Super Stars

Joe Sondrini, 1992 Bowman

Name: Joe Sondrini
Team: Pittsburgh Pirates (or at least he was on his way there)
Position: Infield
Value of card: See that sign? It's yours. Even trade.
Key 1991 stat: 232 days waiting on the side of a country road for the team to pick him up
It's time for a hitchhiking pop quiz:

If Sondrini, a career minor-leaguer, never made it to Pittsburgh, where did he end up?

(A) At the Jerry Seinfeld School of 1990s Fashion
(B) Back home, a relative disappointment
(C) At the Reebok Pumps factory
(D) Nerd-burgh
(E) Nowhere; he's still waiting along that country road
(F) On a mediocre sports card blog
(G) All of the above

Joe Sondrini, 1992 Bowman