Don Aase, 1986 Topps

Name: Don Aase
Team: Baltimore Orioles
Position: Closer
Value of card: 27 butt jokes
Key 1985 stat: Often made batters guess which finger was sticking out of his glove
Grow up, already: Look, if you're hoping for jokes about Don Aase's name, you've come to the wrong place. You're looking for this, or maybe this. Today, we're interested in something much more dignified and mature: Don Aase's mustache. It's obviously something the unfortunately named pitcher is proud of      he's pointing right to it. According to Baseball Reference, that amazing lip-warmer recorded 12 saves and 20 strikeouts all on its own. But more impressively, during the off-season, Aase's mustache volunteered in a soup kitchen over the holidays, making sure Baltimore's needy were fed and warmed. We're with the guy in the ad on the wall in the background: Hats off to you, Don Aase's mustache!

Don Aase, 1986 Topps

Don Aase, 1987 Classic

Name: Don Aase
Team: Baltimore Bottommore Orioles
Position: Pitcher
Value of card: A broader definition of "classic"
Key 1986 stat: No bulge
Just for our edification: What makes this a Classic Aase?

A) The mustache, which won the 1986 Facial Hair Cy Young
B) The bulge, which appears to just be pocket change
C) The name, which never gets old
D) The ribbon nameplate and nondescript font, which have been known to cause narcolepsy
E) All of the above

Don Aase, 1987 Classic

Don Aase, 1988 Topps

Name: Yes, it's the legendary Don Aase

Team: Baltimore Orioles

Position: Pitcher

Value of card: The back end of a dead mongoose

Key 1987 stat: 47,000 mispronunciations of name

What's in a name? OK, OK. So Don Aase's name isn't even that close to the slang spelling of the world's funniest body part, but, as kids, tens of thousands of red-blooded Americans sure thought it was. He was the Aase Man, the Dumb Aase, that Stinkin' Aase. To the kids, Aase had a hole in his delivery, he often needed a wipe and, sometimes, he asked for a good chewing out. Aase was known to have a wild hair stuck somewhere and was said to be proud of the middle name "Jack." And, of course, he sometimes couldn't tell himself from his elbow. Sure, it was easy for kids of the 1980s and early 1990s to make fun of Don Aase, but here at The Bust, we would never make this great athlete and honorable human being the butt of any jokes.

Don Aase, 1988 Topps

Don Aase, 1990 Topps

Name: Huh-huh

Team: New York Butts, er, Mets

Position: Huh-huh

Value of card: It ain't worth a crap

Key 1989 stat: 211,752 witty heckles

What's in a name?: Don Aase was the butt of a lot of jokes. Many fans called him a bum. Sometimes, when he was feeling sad, he sat in the team bus' rear. After a few beers in the back, Aase was known to respond to teammates' jibes with tush, or contempt. He wore a fanny pack to the ballpark, which led to more heckling. Philadelphia fans erupted into laughter when he questioned something said by Mets trainer Tommy Oxenbol. Aase only sputtered out, "But, Ox ..." before the crowd's laughter echoed through the stadium. When it came to pitching, it seemed like Aase was always behind. So he started pacing across the backside of the mound. This didn't help. At times, he would cry himself to sleep after his wife made him his favorite meal: french fries and a few slices of rump roast.

Don Aase, 1990 Topps