Jaromir Jagr, 1991-92 Topps Stadium Club (Another Hockey Week No. 3)

Name: Jaromir Jagr
Team: Pittsburgh Penguins
Position: Right wing
Value of card: An empty bottle of Jager
Key 1991-92 stat: Singlehandedly kept four Pittsburgh-area hairdressers in business
Scouting report on Penguins rookie hotshot Jaromir Jagr: "He looks good on the ice, but not nearly as good as he does in a linen suit. ... In the running for the Calder Trophy, but he's already swept mullet competitions throughout the Great Lakes region. ... His stick-handling so far is outpacing his ability to handle a clip-on tie. ... Will likely never suffer a concussion, given that under his helmet, he has another helmet. ... Tastes great when mixed with Dr Pepper. ... Overall, this kid's got a very high ceiling      and with that haircut, he's gonna need it."

Jaromir Jagr, 1991-92 Topps Stadium Club (Another Hockey Week No. 3)

Mel Bridgman, 1983-84 O-Pee-Chee (Another Hockey Week No. 2)

Name: Mel Bridgman
Team: New Jersey Devils
Position: Center
Value of card: Shaved ice
Key 1983-84 stat: No toothpaste needed
Presenting Mel Bridgman, by the numbers:

38: Assists in 1983-84
23: Goals in 1983-84
5: Teeth in 1983-84

$148,000: Amount Bridgman earned annually in the early '80s
$33,000: Amount Bridgman spent annually on housing in the early '80s
$12,000: Amount Bridgman spent annually on creamed corn and oatmeal in the early '80s

18:58: Bridgman's minutes on ice per game
1:53: Bridgman's penalty minutes per game
1:46: Minutes the dentist needed to give Bridgman a full checkup per visit

Card submitted by Douglas Corti

Mel Bridgman, 1983-84 O-Pee-Chee (Another Hockey Week No. 2)

Jarome Iginla, 1997-98 Upper Deck Collector's Choice (Another Hockey Week No. 1)

Name: Jarome Arthur-Leigh Adekunle Tig Junior Elvis Iginla
Team: Calgary Flames
Position: Right wing
Value of card: A wet beer pong ball that has rolled under the couch
Key 1997-98 stat: Two sports mastered
Jarome Iginla's train of thought between 2:12 and 2:14 p.m., December 2, 1997: "Eye on the ball, eye on the ball. ... Ping pong counts as a workout, right? ... Eye on the ball, that's it. ... Why is this creep taking pictures of me right now? ... Eye on the ball, eye on the ball. ... Oh geez, my shorts are riding up my five-hole again. ... Eye on the ball, eye on the ball. ... I hope my overdeveloped left thigh doesn't look too weird right now. ... Eye on the      wait, what am I supposed to keep my eye on again? Ah, crap, that's game."

Jarome Iginla, 1997-98 Upper Deck Collector's Choice (Another Hockey Week No. 1)

Tiger Woods, 2001 Upper Deck (Christmas Day 2014 Special)

Name: Tiger Woods
Team: Umm, Team Nike?
Position: Golfer
Value of card: Getting your balls in the rough
Key 2001 stat: A much happier Christmas than, say, 2009
Merry Christmas from the Bust: Allow us to present a few Christmas carols influenced by Tiger Woods, the most randy golfer the North Pole ever knew.

• Do You Feel What I Feel?
• The Holly and the Ivy at the Same Time
• O Come, All Ye Unfaithful
• God Rest Ye, Merry Gentleman
• Whose Child Is This?
• Away, in a Stranger

Tiger Woods, 2001 Upper Deck (Christmas Day 2014 Special)

Mo Vaughn, 1998 Score Spring Training

Name: Mo Vaughn
Team: Boston Red Sox
Position: First base
Value of card: 1 cent? It's worth Mo, Mo, Mo (just barely)
Key 1997 stat: 7 minutes spent exercising
Mo Vaughn had a strenuous spring training workout regimen; here are some of his exercises:

• Pick up medicine ball; huck it at teammate whose back is turned.
• Grab 25-pound free weight; fling it through clubhouse window.
• Pick up matching kettle bells; simultaneously bash them upside mascot's head.
• Approach NordicTrack; rip it to pieces.
• Grab Shake Weight; exercise vigorously; choke out teammates making wisecracks.

Mo Vaughn, 1998 Score Spring Training

Slick, 1990 Classic WWF (Pro Wrestling Week No. 7)

Name: Slick
From: Fort Worth, Texas
Signature move: Using his cane as a weapon
Value of card: A feather      not the one in his hat, one that has been on the ground for a week
Key 1990 stat: By far the best-dressed man at any WWF event
A man of all parts: Kenneth "Slick" Johnson has played many roles in his life      pro wrestling manager, haberdasher, doctor (of style), sunglasses model, international playboy, and reverend. But perhaps his brightest moment came in 1987, when he was featured on the multiplatinum "Piledriver: The Wrestling Album 2" with his hit "Jive Soul Bro." What better way to wrap up Pro Wrestling Week than with a song? Take it away, Slick.

Slick, 1990 Classic WWF (Pro Wrestling Week No. 7)

"Million Dollar Man" Ted DiBiase, 1990 Classic WWF (Pro Wrestling Week No. 5)

Name: "Million Dollar Man" Ted DiBiase
From: Palm Beach, Fla.
Signature move: Million Dollar Dream
Value of card: Every card has a price (this one is just really, really low)
Key 1989 stat: Zero real gems or gold on that belt
Some of the things that money, apparently, couldn't buy:

• A tuxedo not made of school supplies
• A proper BeDazzler
• A real championship belt
• A decent hair dye job
• The realization that, these days, a million dollars really isn't that much money, especially if all of an individual's assets are assessed
• Dignity

"Million Dollar Man" Ted DiBiase, 1990 Classic WWF (Pro Wrestling Week No. 5)

"Ravishing" Rick Rude, 1990 Classic WWF (Pro Wrestling Week No. 4)

Name: "Ravishing" Rick Rude
From: Robbinsdale, Minn.
Signature move: Rude Awakening
Value of card: 2 sticks of lipstick
Key 1989 stat: 1,118 women seduced
Top 10 reasons that women thought Rick Rude was so "ravishing":
10) More butt crack shots on cable TV than anyone on any show in the 1980s.
9) His 10-pack stomach.
8) The prematch strip tease couldn't have hurt.
7) The ladies were just using him to get to Bobby Heenan.
6) He patented the "bedroom suplex."
5) Chicks dig rude dudes.
4) Veins bulging larger than most men's muscles.
3) A 'stache that would make Tom Selleck jealous.
2) A mullet mane that would make a lion jealous.
1) Airbrushed paintings of himself on his package.

"Ravishing" Rick Rude, 1990 Classic WWF (Pro Wrestling Week No. 4)

Jake "The Snake" Roberts, 1990 Classic WWF (Pro Wrestling Week No. 3)

Name: Jake "The Snake" Roberts
From: Gainesville, Texas
Signature moves: DDT; bringing Damien the snake to the ring
Value of card: 6 ounces of bones and hair regurgitated after feeding
Key 1989 stat: 12 snakes brought onto this (expletive) plane
Some reptile facts you might not know about Jake "The Snake":

• He cries crocodile tears.
• He wore neon pink Gecko T-shirts deep into the 1990s.
• In middle school, he volunteered to be a hallway monitor. He was disappointed when he realized it wasn't the scaly kind.
• When Hulk Hogan talked about his 24-inch pythons, Roberts cried a little inside.
• He drove a Dodge Viper (rented for one night and crashed).
• For a short period he was known as Jake "The Gopher Snake" Roberts, and then he saw "Caddyshack."

Jake "The Snake" Roberts, 1990 Classic WWF (Pro Wrestling Week No. 3)

Big Boss Man, 1990 Classic WWF (Pro Wrestling Week No. 2)

Name: Big Boss Man
From: Cobb County, Ga.
Signature move: Boss Man Slam
Value of card: Being tasered in the face
Key 1990 stat: Probably did some bossing
Crimes that Big Boss Man was accused of during his pro wrestling career:

• Impersonating a police officer
• Impersonating an athlete
• Grand theft doughnut
• Assault with a deadly flat-top
• Thankfully, not indecent exposure

Big Boss Man, 1990 Classic WWF (Pro Wrestling Week No. 2)

Virgil, 1990 Classic WWF (Pro Wrestling Week No. 1)

Name: Virgil
From: Pittsburgh, Pa.
Signature move: Million Dollar Dream
Value of card: One sleeve
Key 1990 stat: Biceps twice as big as head
Down for the count: The Bust is primarily a bad baseball card site (and a site for bad baseball cards), but we have occasionally featured other sports. Soccer, hockey, tennis and even rowing have made appearances over the years. So has wrestling      just not the kind that offers monthly pay-per-view specials for $44.95. This week, we're righting that wrong and digging up some of the finest superstars the then-WWF had to offer in 1990. Good God almighty!

It's a pop quiz smackdown: Which of these descriptions best fits the man on the above card?

(A) Virgil was a Chippendale dancer who never heeded management's advice that he should shave his arms.
(B) Virgil was an ancient Roman poet whose greatest works included the epic "Aeneid."
(C) Virgil served as a bodyguard for Ted "The Million Dollar Man" DiBiase, and was later known as Vincent and, somehow, Curly Bill.
(D) Virgil is the loneliest man on the Internet.
(E) All of the above.

Virgil, 1990 Classic WWF (Pro Wrestling Week No. 1)

Antonio Borges, 1986-87 Panini (World Cup Week No. 7)

Name: Antonio (or just A.) Borges
Team: Braga, bro
Position: Stud
Value of card: Impossible to determine something of such immense value
Key 1985-86 stat: 212 beauty contests won
Gaze upon it: Have you ever seen such handsomeness crammed into one man? We think not. Borges was more than a star international athlete. He was pure sex appeal. Thousands of women would kill for his hair, and many thousands more would kill for a night with him. His mustache would make Magnum P.I. crawl into the fetal position and cry for a razor. Each eyebrow could have been a lesser man's beard. Each face wrinkle told the tale of a hundred sultry nights in Monaco, Milan and all points in between. This was A. Borges: A. Lothario bathed in hair.

Antonio Borges, 1986-87 Panini (World Cup Week No. 7)

Michael Jordan, 1993 Upper Deck World Cup (World Cup Week No. 6)

Name: Michael Jordan
Team: USA
Position: Honorary captain
Value of card: Air
Key 1992 stat: Zero minutes spent kicking anything
Michael Jordan is seen dunking a soccer ball; here are some other things he did with balls from other sports:

• Jordan kept a tube of tennis balls in his shorts.
• Jordan hit golf balls while dressed like an Australian hobo.
• Jordan spiked volleyballs from about 16 feet in the air.
• Jordan hit 3-pointers with bowling balls when he was in the zone.
• Jordan whiffed at baseballs.

Michael Jordan, 1993 Upper Deck World Cup (World Cup Week No. 6)

Alexi Lalas, 1994 Upper Deck World Cup (World Cup Week No. 5)

Name: Alexi Lalas
Team: USA
Position: Defender
Value of card: 2 ounces of ginger (the root)
Key 1993 stat: 4 pounds of ginger (the hair)
Top 10 Grateful Dead songs inspired by Alexi Lalas:
10) "(Ginger's) High Time"
9) "Touch Of Grey Red"
8) "Friend Of The Devil (And The Same Color)"
7) "Truckin' (To The Barber)"
6) "Eyes Of The World (Behind Those Shades)"
5) "(Really) Scarlet Begonias"
4) "Hell In A Bucket Mullet"
3) "Loser"
2) "Morning Dew 'Do"
1) "Fire (Crotch) on the Mountain"

Alexi Lalas, 1994 Upper Deck World Cup (World Cup Week No. 5)

Reggie Jackson, 1993 Upper Deck World Cup Preview (World Cup Week No. 4)

Name: Reggie Jackson
Team: Team, um, USA?
Positions: Honorary captain (apparently), retired baseball player
Value of card: The month of October, torn from a 1993 calendar
Key 1993 stat: Twice tried to peel the gold off that trophy, thinking there was chocolate inside
No, really: We know what you're thinking. "What does Reggie Jackson have to do with soccer or the World Cup?" It didn't make sense at first to us, either, but there are some links:

• Reggie's incredibly round, balding head resembles a soccer ball.
• Reggie is wearing mom jeans, and some moms take their kids to soccer practice.
• He's wearing a T-shirt that has either a soccer ball or a snowman's head on it.
• In "The Naked Gun," he was programmed to kill the Queen of England, and the Brits sure do love their football.

Reggie Jackson, 1993 Upper Deck World Cup Preview (World Cup Week No. 4)

Wichita Wings All-Stars, 1990-91 Pacific MSL (World Cup Week No. 3)

Names: Chico Borja, from left, Dale Ervine, Victor Moreland, and Ron Fearon
Team: Wichita Wings
Positions: Midfielder, forward, defender, and goalkeeper, respectively
Value of card: Four pairs of sweaty short-shorts
Key 1990-91 stat: One all-star game that nobody attended
It's time to see who will get a leg up in this Matchup:

Round 1: Pastiest thighs (Winner: Moreland)
Round 2: Taking part in the leg show despite wearing pants (Winner: Fearon)
Round 3: Jackets that got zipped all the way up: (Winner: Three-way tie)
Round 4: Sexiest mustache (Winner: Borja)
Round 5: Sexiest mullet (Winner: Moreland)
Round 6: Shortest shorts (Winner: Ervine)
Round 7: First name repeated in surname (Winner: Fearon)
Round 8: Wearing a second pair of shorts so we don't accidentally see his ol' onion bag (Winner: Moreland)

Final score: Moreland 3, Fearon 2, Borja 1, Ervine 1 (Ties: 1)

Synopsis: This isn't Victor Moreland's first go-round on the Bust, and that experience paid off with a late victory. Some advice to the four of these guys, though: Never pose this way again.

Wichita Wings All-Stars, 1990-91 Pacific MSL (World Cup Week No. 3)

Jorge Campos, 1993 Upper Deck World Cup Preview (World Cup Week No. 2)

Name: Jorge Campos
Team: Mexico
Position: Goalkeeper
Value of card: Two diamonds (shapes, not jewels)
Key 1993 stat: Often ran around with his arms extended, making airplane noises
This one's worth three points: How did Jorge Campos stop opponents from scoring?

A) By dressing like a clown, causing them to laugh themselves silly
B) By dressing like a clown, causing them to flee in terror
C) By wearing a jersey 12 sizes too big that acted like its own net
D) By blinding everyone in the stadium
E) All of the above

Jorge Campos, 1993 Upper Deck World Cup Preview (World Cup Week No. 2)

Mike Werner, 1991-92 Panini (World Cup Week No. 1)

Name: Mike Werner
Team: F.C. Hansa Rostock
Position: Defender
Value of card: One ticket to a 1987 Whitesnake concert
Key 1991-92 stat: First-ballot Mullet Hall-of-Famer
Welcome to World Cup Week: Every four years, the world watches as the best footballers on the planet battle for national glory. Even Americans pretend to care, at least until the Yanks get knocked out during or shortly after the group stage. In honor of the 2014 World Cup, we hooligans at the Bust are pleased to celebrate as well with seven of the most atrocious pieces of soccer-related cardboard to grace the Internet, each one of them certain to earn us a red card. It's on!

Putting the "r-o-c-k" in Rostock: How legendary was German footballer Mike Werner's mullet? It was so legendary that Hansa started up 1-0 every match just because he was on the pitch. It was so legendary that it hosted its own Oktoberfest      every month of the year. It was so legendary, it made other men lose their hair just by looking at it. It was so legendary that Beethoven came back from the grave just to write a concerto about it. How legendary was Mike Werner's mullet? It was so legendary, it built its own Mercedes, tore down the Berlin Wall, and made sweet love to Katarina Witt all on the same night. Deutschland! Deutschland! Deutschland!

Mike Werner, 1991-92 Panini (World Cup Week No. 1)

Dave and Doug Widell, 1991 Pro Line Portraits (Shameful Sunday Portraits No. 36)

Names: Dave, left, and Doug Widell
Team: Denver Broncos
Positions: Tackle (Dave), guard (Doug)
Value of card: Three rubber pieces from a ripped-apart racquetball
Key 1990 stat: 22 times they shaved each other's faces
It's time for another brotherly edition of The Matchup:

Round 1: Belief that sleeves are for suckas (Winner: Tie)
Round 2: Penchant for wearing sister's shorts (Winner: Tie)
Round 3: Mad racquetball skills (Winner: Tie)
Round 4: Desire to get sweaty, stay sweaty, live sweaty (Winner: Tie)
Round 5: Sweet high-tops, bro (Winner: Tie)
Round 6: Life spent in the shadows (Winner: Tie)
Round 7: Hair (Winner: Doug Widell)

Score: Doug 1, Dave 0, Ties 6

Synopsis: When you have two brothers who are this similar, you're going to have a close contest. But Doug shined, mainly because his brother's head did too.

Dave and Doug Widell, 1991 Pro Line Portraits (Shameful Sunday Portraits No. 36)

Brian Bosworth, 2012 Upper Deck Goodwin Champions (Goodwin Champions Week No. 7)

Name: Brian Bosworth
Teams: Seattle Seahawks, Cobra Kai
Position: Linebacker
Value of card: 12 kicks to the face
Key 1991 stat: 365 days in the year not concentrating on football
Hollywood is a kick: Brian Bosworth was a lot of things, the least of which ended up being a football player. He might have pretended to be a karate expert, but he was a movie "star." His debut film, "Stone Cold," is a cult classic.
Here's a synopsis of Bosworth's action-packed first film: Joe Huff (John Stone) is a tough, go-it-alone cop with a flair for infiltrating biker gangs. The FBI blackmails Huff into working in an undercover investigation to convict some extremely dangerous bikers angry about the capture of their leader.
Here's a synopsis of Bosworth's action-packed above card: Brian Bosworth (yes, John Stone) is a tough, kick-it-alone fake karate champion with a flair for posing for ridiculous tobacco cards. The Upper Deck card company blackmails Bosworth into being a part of an undercover set of cards that showcase some extremely awkward scenes that make collectors angry about the disregard of their standards of taste.

Brian Bosworth, 2012 Upper Deck Goodwin Champions (Goodwin Champions Week No. 7)