Ozzie Guillen, 2007 Topps (Coach-Manager Week No. 4)

Name: Ozzie (expletive) Guillen
Team: Chicago White (expletive) Sox
Position: Manager, mother(expletive)!
Value of card: Go (expletive) yourself!
Key 2006 stat: Bend over, (expletive), and I'll show you!
Ozzie Guillen's reaction to The Bust after learning he'd be featured on the site (imagine thick accent): "Excuse me? Excuse me! You talkin' about those (expletive) jokers? Those pieces of (expletive)? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! That site isn't worth the (expletive) that comes out of my (expletive) after I eat (expletive) Korean (expletive) food out of a (expletive) baby's (expletive)-stained diaper. Look at this (expletive) site. Are you kidding me? Are you (expletive) kidding me? Look at that (expletive) background. Those stupid, soft, untalented, lazy mother(expletives) still haven't updated the site's design? Aren't these wastes of (expletive) space coming up on 900 (expletive), (expletive), (expletive), moronic posts? What a (expletive) joke. I don't want my face on this piece of (expletive). No way. No how. No (expletive) chance in hell. If these (expletive) embarrassments don't have the (expletive) talent or the (expletive) smarts to make their dog(expletive) blog look a bit better after more than two years, (expletive) them and the (expletive) horse they (expletive) rode in on. (Expletive.)"

Ozzie Guillen, 2007 Topps (Coach-Manager Week No. 4)

Roger Clemens, 1986 Fleer Baseball's Best

Name: Roger Clemens
Team: Boston Red Sox
Position: Pitcher
Value of card: A free anger-management class
Key 1986 stat: One made-up statistic
Answer us this: What's got Roger Clemens dropping F-bombs in the above photo?

A) Fleer got his ERA wrong (2.48 in '86,  3.29 in '85).
B) The photog just asked him to pronounce Bucky Dent's name.
C) He's just suggesting a way for Dave Winfield to fill his leisure time.
D) Just got his first look at Mindy McCready.
E) 'Roids, bro. 'Roids.

Roger Clemens, 1986 Fleer Baseball's Best

Bill "Billy" Ripken, 1989 Fleer

Name: Bill "Billy" Ripken
Team: Baltimore Orioles
Position: Second base
Value of card: One Sharpie
Key 1989 stat: 827 strikethroughs
Top 10 things Bill Ripken should have written on his bat knob before this photo by the crack team at Fleer:
10) "Honk if you're horny"
9) "Hold this end"
8) "Pay rent"
7) "Where's the beef?"
6) "Duck face"
5) "Topps rules"
4) "I love you, Paula"
3) "Go Yankees"
2) "Can I start today, Dad?"
1) "Screw Cal"

Bill "Billy" Ripken, 1989 Fleer

Don Aase, 1990 Topps

Name: Huh-huh

Team: New York Butts, er, Mets

Position: Huh-huh

Value of card: It ain't worth a crap

Key 1989 stat: 211,752 witty heckles

What's in a name?: Don Aase was the butt of a lot of jokes. Many fans called him a bum. Sometimes, when he was feeling sad, he sat in the team bus' rear. After a few beers in the back, Aase was known to respond to teammates' jibes with tush, or contempt. He wore a fanny pack to the ballpark, which led to more heckling. Philadelphia fans erupted into laughter when he questioned something said by Mets trainer Tommy Oxenbol. Aase only sputtered out, "But, Ox ..." before the crowd's laughter echoed through the stadium. When it came to pitching, it seemed like Aase was always behind. So he started pacing across the backside of the mound. This didn't help. At times, he would cry himself to sleep after his wife made him his favorite meal: french fries and a few slices of rump roast.

Don Aase, 1990 Topps