Ron Gant, 1988 Topps Kmart Dream Team

Name: Ron Gant
Teams: Atlanta Braves, Dream Team
Position: Outfield
Value of card: 35-cent coupon to Kmart
Key 1987 stat: 27 "blue-light specials" (wink, wink)
A sampling of Ron Gant's dreams circa 1988:

• He dreamed he had a flowing mullet that angels kissed and fairies stroked.
• He dreamed he was falling — into great prices at his local Kmart superstore.
• He dreamed he was a sex symbol whose muscular physique led millions of new fans to appreciate the game of "hardball."
• He dreamed he was a man with an incredibly short full name, Ron Gan.
• He dreamed he showed up to a baseball game wearing his Sunday's best belt.
• He dreamed his pencil-thin mustache grew as bushy as the ivy at Wrigley Field.
• He dreamed he was part of an incredible team of dream athletes, a Dream Team, if you will.

Ron Gant, 1988 Topps Kmart Dream Team

Paul Gibson, 1988 Topps Kmart Dream Team

Name: Paul Gibson

Teams: Detroit Tigers, Kmart Nerd Dream Team

Position: Starting pitcher

Value of card: Fair exchange for two pocket protectors

Key 1987 stat: One nerd championship

The 1988 Kmart Nerd Dream Team complete set:

Starting pitcher: Paul "Fourteen Eyes" Gibson

Relief pitcher: Apple founder Steve Jobs

First base: Comic Book Guy from "The Simpsons"

Second base: Timothy Busfield from "Revenge of the Nerds"

Third base: Billy Mitchell from "King of Kong" (Perfect "Pac-Man" game)

Shortstop: This guy

Catcher: The Father of Modern Physics

Left field: Microsoft founder Bill Gates

Center field: Steve Urkel from "Family Matters"

Right field: Dustin Diamond from "Saved By the Bell"

Paul Gibson, 1988 Topps Kmart Dream Team

Jose Canseco, 1990 Topps Kmart Super Stars

Name: Jose Canseco

Team: Oakland A's

Position: Outfield

Value of card: Blue Light Special sale price: $Dung

Key 1989 stat: 26-inch mullet

Fun Facts about Kmart and Jose Canseco:

• Kmart offers deals to customers. Canseco offers deals for performance-enhancing drugs.
• Kmart caters to the working class. Canseco has no class, working or otherwise.
• Kmart sells toddler-size T-shirts. Canseco is wearing one.
• Kmart once had Blue Light Specials. Canseco once had "something special" in the red light district.
• Kmart is an upfront business. Canseco's hair is business up front, party in the back.
• Kmart used to advertise Jordache jeans. So did Canseco.

Jose Canseco, 1990 Topps Kmart Super Stars