Lawrence Taylor, 1991 Pro Line Portraits (Shameful Sunday Portraits No. 17)

Name: Lawrence Taylor
Team: New York Giants
Position: Linebacker
Value of card: A rolled-up dollar bill stuck up someone's nose
Key 1991 stat: Looked scarier in the blue uniforms
Don't be mad, it's just a pop quiz: What has angered Lawrence Taylor so?

A) Nothing, he's just re-creating the play where he ended Joe Theismann's NFL career
B) Nothing, the photographer just asked him to pretend he was having an epileptic fit
C) Nothing, he's just caught wind of one of Bill Parcells' chili farts
D) Nothing, he's actually just frightened of that levitating face mask
E) Somebody stole his Coke

Lawrence Taylor, 1991 Pro Line Portraits (Shameful Sunday Portraits No. 17)

Lawrence Taylor, 1991 Fleer Pro-Visions (Football Friday No. 133)

Name: Lawrence Taylor
Team: New York Giants
Position: Linebacker
Value of card: Six pieces of wall
Key 1990 stat: One deformed bulge illustration
It's time for sweet pop quiz:

Just who does Lawrence Taylor think he is?

(A) This guy.
(B) No, this guy.
(C) Or maybe this guy.
(D) No, definitely this guy.
(E) Apologies. This guy, for sure.
(F) All of the above.

Lawrence Taylor, 1991 Fleer Pro-Visions (Football Friday No. 133)

Lawrence Taylor, 1991 Pro Set Illustration (Football Friday No. 131)

Name: Lawrence Taylor
Team: New York Giants
Position: Linebacker
Value of card: Getting hit by Lawrence Taylor
Key 1991 stat: Made at least 16 quarterbacks cry
A literal translation of the artwork on this card: Lawrence Taylor, having been covered in flour by coach Bill Parcells who demanded Taylor bake him cookies, stands in front of a large concrete wall while fighting through a stomach cramp caused by eating a bad microwave burrito from the corner 7-Eleven. He must have left his helmet in his car, but he put enough gel in his hair this morning to keep it looking fresh even when he's not.

Lawrence Taylor, 1991 Pro Set Illustration (Football Friday No. 131)

Lawrence Taylor, 1991 Upper Deck team checklist (Football Friday No. 106)

Name: L.T.
Team: New York Giants
Position: Linebacker
Value of card: 56 cents, maybe
Key 1990 stat: Two letters — just two
Time for an initial pop quiz:

What does the huge "L.T." on this card stand for besides Lawrence Taylor?

(A) Lotsa Testosterone
(B) Likes to Tango (see illustration on left)
(C) Lost Temper
(D) Liquor Trouble
(E) Later, Theismann
(F) All of the above

Lawrence Taylor, 1991 Upper Deck team checklist (Football Friday No. 106)

Lawrence Taylor, 1990 Score Crunch Crew (Super Bowl Week No. 4)

Name: Lawrence Taylor

Team: New York Giants

Position: Linebacker

Value of card: Nothing. It's "whak"

Key Super Bowl stat: 16 whaks

L.T. doesn't stand for "little testosterone": Lawrence Taylor changed football more than any other defensive player in the history of the NFL. He crunched quarterbacks, scrunched offensive schemes and munched meatloaf sandwiches. He was a self-described adrenaline junkie who got as much pleasure from sacking a quarterback as jumping from an airplane or snorting a shoestring-size line of cocaine. He did so much cocaine, in fact, that it would emanate in vapor form from his head, hands, back, shoulders, thighs and feet, as can be seen in the above card. Fueled by charisma and cocaine, Taylor led the Giants to Super Bowl victories after the 1986 and 1990 seasons.

Fun fact: The background of the above card shows the reality Taylor experienced during early 1990s cocaine binges.

Lawrence Taylor, 1990 Score Crunch Crew (Super Bowl Week No. 4)

Lawrence Taylor, 1991 Pro Set (Football Friday No. 6)

Name: Lawrence Taylor
Team: New York Giants
Position: Linebacker
Value of card: One 10-foot wingspan
Key 1990 stat: Six team sacks
Group effort: Having terrorized the NFL for several years, sackmaster Lawrence Taylor was getting bored with his dominance. So, in 1990, he began keeping track of a new statistic: team sacks. To record a team sack, Taylor had to not only tackle the opposing quarterback behind the line of scrimmage, but also bring down another offensive player with him. In this photo, Taylor is about to pulverize Lions QB legend Bob Gagliano along with left guard Erik Andolsek. In an amazing Week 2 performance, he brought down five Dallas Cowboys with one tackle, including Troy Aikman, Emmitt Smith, Mark Stepnoski, Tommie Agee and Mark Tuinei. The play caused a Cowboys cheerleader to faint, so Taylor counted her, as well. An irate Jimmy Johnson stormed the field, only to trip over the mass of humanity and bring the total count to seven people sacked on one play, an NFL record that still stands.

Lawrence Taylor, 1991 Pro Set (Football Friday No. 6)