Jerry Glanville, 1992 Pro Line Portraits (Shameful Sunday Portraits No. 65)

Name: Jerry Glanville
Team: Atlanta Falcons
Position: Head coach
Value of card: Grease on your jeans
Key 1992 stat: 36 biker bars visited
A handful of nicknames given to Jerry Glanville:

• The Bozo in Black
• The Buckle
• Jerry "Who Are You Foolin'?" Glanville
• Motorcycle Mama
• Hardly Davidson

Jerry Glanville, 1992 Pro Line Portraits (Shameful Sunday Portraits No. 65)

Mike Ditka, Diana Ditka, 1992 Pro Line Spirit (Return of Coach-Manager Week No. 5)

Names: Diana Ditka, Mike Ditka
Teams: Biker Mamas, Chicago Bears
Position: Coach's wife, head coach
Value of card: Two pairs of white pants (same style) for the price of one
Key 1991 stat: 182,290 bugs in teeth (combined)
Clearing up some rumors about Mike Ditka and his lovely wife, Diana:

• Diana Ditka does not use the phrase "riding the hog" when talking about motorcycles. That's the phrase she uses when discussing her married sex life.
• Mike Ditka is not wearing David Puddy's 8-ball jacket from "Seinfeld." He's wearing an even more ludicrous jacket.
• Mike Ditka does, in fact, take his wife everywhere on his motorcycle. But she keeps finding her way home.
• Mike Ditka does, in fact, need to wear a motorcycle helmet for safety. Diana does not     her hair serves the same purpose.
• This is not Mike Ditka's most embarrassing moment. That would be this video of him yelling at a bunch of kids about flushing the toilet (preferably after putting this card in it).

Mike Ditka, Diana Ditka, 1992 Pro Line Spirit (Return of Coach-Manager Week No. 5)

Charles Haley, 1992 Pro Line Portraits (Super Bowl Studs Week No. 6)

Name: Charles Haley
Team: San Francisco 49ers
Position: Defensive end, linebacker
Value of card: 3 cents worth of gasoline
Key 1991 stat: 420 horsepower
Top 10 places Charles Haley was heading after this photo was taken:
10) To his home to ride his hog (an actual pig) in peace.
9) To a turtleneck fashion show.
8) To a Harley-Davidson dealership to take whatever bike he wanted without paying.
7) To a race with Rick Mirer.
6) To an audition for an acting role as a 6-foot-6 Steve Urkel.
5) To deep into the blue, apparently.
4) To wherever you want, Mr. Haley. We're so sorry for asking. Please, let us polish your chopper.
3) To god knows where; he can't see anything through those glasses.
2) To your mom's house to return her jeans.
1) To anywhere but there, after driving over a Pro Line photographer.

Charles Haley, 1992 Pro Line Portraits (Super Bowl Studs Week No. 6)

Robin Yount, 1992 Pinnacle Sidelines (Pinnacle Sidelines Week No. 4)

Name: Robin Yount
Team: Milwaukee Brewers
Positions: Outfield, dirt bike racer
Value of card: The dirt left in Yount's bike tires
Key 1991 stat: 118 airs caught
Script from Honda Powersports dirt bike commercial, circa 1992: "Whoooaa! Howdy, sports fans! This is Robin Yount, the most extreme baseball player who ever played the game and yelled all his sentences! (shot of Yount taking a bite out of a baseball) You know I like it to tear it up! I like to ride hard (shot of Yount riding a bike) and party harder! Woo-hooo! But I never mix riding and partying, because that would be a strikeout. (shot of Yount swinging, missing, falling down) Just kidding! I'm all about getting on my Honda dirt bike with 10 shots of Winner's Cup Vodka in my gut and two beers in my pockets* and hitting some jumps! Get some air, scabs, and get yourself a Honda dirt bike! Wooooo-hoooo!"

* Robin Yount and Honda in no way endorse drinking and riding (unless it's with your sister. Hey-o!).

Robin Yount, 1992 Pinnacle Sidelines (Pinnacle Sidelines Week No. 4)

Tom Thayer, 1991 Pro Line Portraits (Another Pro Line Week No. 1)

Name: Tom Thayer
Team: Chicago Bears
Position: Right guard
Value of card: A bent spoke
Key 1991 stat: Everything rolled up
It's the NFL's opening week, aka Another Pro Line Week: Our first week honoring America's most ludicrous set of football cards was a smashing success (hey, we laughed). So, rather than stop while we're ahead, we've decided to bring you seven more days of this nonsense, highlighting what happens when NFL players take off the pads and helmets. It won't be pretty.
Tom Thayer's train of thought, from 10:22 to 10:24 a.m., June 2, 1991: "Yep, judging from what I can see in this little mirror on my moped, I look pretty badass. ... Let's see. Socks: check. Pantlegs: check. Sleeves: check. What else can I roll up? ... I should be in a Night Ranger video. ... Good thing I remembered to shave and oil my legs this morning. ... I wonder if they'll be able to tell I'm holding a roast beef sandwich inside my jacket. Mmm, this thing's getting nice and warm."

Tom Thayer, 1991 Pro Line Portraits (Another Pro Line Week No. 1)

Rick Mirer, 1993 Pro Line (Football Friday No. 21)

Name: Rick Mirer
Team: Seattle Seahawks
Position: Quarterback
Value of card: One case of road rash
Key 1993 stat: 68,212 times laughed at
It's a chopper, baby: The photo team at Pro Line was excited when Rick Mirer asked if he could bring his motorcycle to his shoot in 1993 — at least, until Mirer showed up. The rookie QB rolled into the studio's parking lot on the Harley he had purchased with his signing bonus, wearing the free Seahawks leather jacket that came with the bike, a pair of mom jeans, prescription round-lensed sunglasses and his football helmet. Knowing that a photo of any man dressed like this should never see the light of day, the Pro Line photographer did the only thing he could: He conducted the shoot inside a dark, windowless warehouse on the outskirts of the Emerald City.

Rick Mirer, 1993 Pro Line (Football Friday No. 21)