Dmitri Young, 2008 Upper Deck

Name: Dmitri Young
Team: Washington Nationals
Position: First base
Value of card: Two-thirds of a tub of lard
Key 2007 stat: Wore glove on only half of hand
Here's what Bust favorite Dmitri Young stands for:

Doughnuts
Meatballs
Ice cream
Triple Bypass Burgers
Ramen by the case
In-N-Out Double Doubles

Yoohoo
Onion rings
Upside down cake
Nuggets (not just chicken)
Gravy

Dmitri Young, 2008 Upper Deck

Dmitri Young, 2008 Topps Allen & Ginter's

Name: Dmitri Young
Team: Washington Nationals
Position: First base
Value of card: A look through Allen & Ginter's kitchen garbage can
Key 2007 stat: Young was no longer young
Fun facts about Dmitri Young and the state of Mississippi:

• Mississippi is known for its catfish farms. Dmitri Young often smelled like catfish.
• Mississippi is the Magnolia State. Dmitri Young was confused and upset by the movie "Magnolia."
• Mississippi led the South's rebellion among U.S. states. Dmitri Young's southern half is usually in a state of rebellion, as teammates who've used the bathroom after him can testify.
• Mississippi has the worst poverty rate in the nation. Dmitri Young's defense was also poor.
• Mississippi has one of the nation's highest obesity rates. Above, you see an illustration of Dmitri Young.

Dmitri Young, 2008 Topps Allen & Ginter's

Dmitri Young, 2008 Bowman (Our Buddy Dmitri Young Week No. 6)

Name: Dmitri Young
Team: Washington Nationals
Position: First base
Value of card: The jelly from a jelly doughnut, spilled on the floor
Key 2007 stat: Led the league in table muscle
Weight for it: There's no denying that toward the end of his career, Dmitri Young started carrying a few extra pounds. In fact, he was such a nice guy, he even carried his teammates' extra pounds, too. But that didn't hamper his 2007 season. Dmitri hit .320 (at least 40 points better than his weight), scored 57 runs (frightened catchers often refused to block the plate) and even recorded a triple. No, not a triple bypass      an actual triple! Those 13 homers he hit were just gravy. Mmm, gravy. So hats off to you, Dmitri Young, for putting the "ton" in "Washington Nationals."

Dmitri Young, 2008 Bowman (Our Buddy Dmitri Young Week No. 6)