Mike Piazza, 1998 Score Spring Training

Name: Mike Piazza
Team: Los Angeles Dodgers
Position: Catcher
Value of card: 11 pieces of burnt pepperoni
Key 1997 stat: 51 Italian food dinners with Tommy Lasorda
Here's how Mike Piazza spent spring training:

• Sculpting his mustache with tweezers.
• Shopping at the Oakley store for only-awesome-in-the-1990s shades.
• Running laps ... around the Vero Beach, Fla., nightclub scene
• Catching more flak than baseballs.
• Spring potty training.

Mike Piazza, 1998 Score Spring Training

Eric Karros and Mike Piazza, 1996 Upper Deck V.J. Lovero Showcase (V.J. Lovero Showcase Week No. 5)

Names: Eric Karros, Tommy Lasorda and Mike Piazza
Team: Los Angeles Dodgers
Positions: First base, manager and catcher, respectively
Value of card: The jelly inside one of those donuts
Key 1995 stat: Two L.A. sleazebags living in one house
Conversation between Eric Karros and Mike Piazza around the time this photo was taken:
Mike Piazza: "Hey, Eric. You ever feel like someone is watching you?"
Eric Karros: "Hold on, sweetheart. ... What's that, Mike?"
MP: "I said, Do you ever feel like someone is watching you?"
EK: "Yeah, actually, sometimes I do." (hangs up phone)
MP: "It's weird, ya know. Like, I'm pouring this bowl of fake cereal and I feel like someone is judging me, saying I should be eating Wheaties or something."
EK: "I know what you mean. It's like someone is looking at me, telling me how I should do this, how I should do that."
MP: "It's crazy. It's like someone is saying, 'Hey, Mike, shave that stupid mustache and trim those tacky sideburns.'"
EK: "I can't get over this feeling that someone is managing my minutes. Like, 'Hey, Karros, you moron, hang up that 12-pound phone. It costs $4.50 a minute.'"
MP: "Yeah, 'manage.' That's the right word. I feel like someone, I don't know who, is managing my every move, even here at our perfectly arranged pseudo-breakfast table."
EK: "I feel like someone is telling me to wipe my greasy hair with a towel. Weird."
MP: "Weird for sure. ... Hey, wait a sec. Who ate all those donuts? They disappeared."
EK: "I don't know, Mike. I don't know."

Eric Karros and Mike Piazza, 1996 Upper Deck V.J. Lovero Showcase (V.J. Lovero Showcase Week No. 5)

Mike Piazza, 1997 Pinnacle Dufex Museum Collection

Name: Mike Piazza
Team: Los Angeles Dodgers
Position: Catcher
Value of card: 3 ounces of the dirt that gets captured in the jock strap's cup pouch during a game
Key 1996 stat: 142 pizzas eaten (Eh, oh!)
Don't mess with Piazza: Yeah, you're looking good. You're hauling tail around second, and then past third, and you're headed home. You're staring at that plate, and no one will get in your way. You can taste the go-ahead run you'll score for your team. You hustle, get down and slide toward home. And then — POW! — you get the Piazza special. Right in the dainty grapes. Right in the short-and-softies. Right in the soft-boiled eggs. Right in the tender 'ronis. Right in the oval oysters. Right in the man guts. Yup, for Piazza, the count is always two balls, one strike.

Mike Piazza, 1997 Pinnacle Dufex Museum Collection

Mike Piazza, 1993 Ultra Pro

Name: Mike Piazza
Team: Los Angeles Dodgers
Positions: Catcher, tuxedoed
Value of card: One of the pins from a dress shirt
Key 1993 stat: 12 meatballs pulled from Tommy Lasorda's golf bag
A winner is you: As mentioned above, Mike Piazza was named the 1993 N.L. Rookie of the Year. Here are some other awards and honors this slugging squatter has taken home in his lifetime.

• Second place, 1993 Los Angeles Mullet Grand Prix
• Preferred customer at Big Joe's Hair Grease Emporium
• First place in the 1993 ITAMODYJFTSYL (Is that a Mustache or did You Just Forget to Shave Your Lip?) Cup
• Earned 5 percent off his next rental at Men's Wearhouse for returning the above tux early
• Won an Oscar for Best Fictional Screenplay for "Mr. Piazza Goes to Cooperstown"

Mike Piazza, 1993 Ultra Pro

Mike Piazza, 1994 Ultra Pro

Name: Mike Piazza
Team: Los Angeles Dodgers
Position: Catcher
Value of card: 11 burnt pepperonis
Key 1993 stat: 14 trips to JCPenney for handsome shirts
A year after winning the Rookie of the Year award in 1993, Mike Piazza tells a rookie how to achieve success: "Listen, kid. You have to trust me. I've been there; done that. I've been to the top of the mountain; I've done the things you dream about. You want to win? You have to do as I say. You want to play well? Do what I do. You want to be a star, surrounded by camera flashes and B-list actresses and getting free cuts at The Hollywood Mullet Factory? Sorry, there's only enough room for one Piazza in L.A. But you still can be great. Here's what to do: (1) grow out your hair and drown it in gel; (2) pick out the sweetest shirts you can find at JCPenney; (3) listen to Lasorda; (4) watch '90210' for sideburns tips; and, finally, (5) stick to a strict regimen of 5-pound weightlifting twice a week."

Mike Piazza, 1994 Ultra Pro

Mike Piazza, 1994 Fleer Pro-Vision (Stoner Fleer Pro-Vision Week No. 1)

Name: Mike Piazza
Team: Los Angeles Dodgers
Positions: Catcher, actor
Value of card: 12 fireworks duds
Key 1993 stat: 26 red-carpet treatments
Welcome to Stoner Fleer Pro-Vision Week: The glitz. The glamour. The gastronomical pains. Yes, we're giving you seven days of some of the brightest and most pastel-iest baseball cards ever printed, and this Fleer subset promises not to disappoint. Get ready to see why these 1994 cards put the "ill" in "illustration."
Mike Piazza is sooo Hollywood. Here are some of the Hollywood movies in which he has starred:

• "The Catcher in the Sty"
• "Crouching Catcher, Hidden Italian"
• "The Dream Catcher (If You Don't Mind Terrible Defense)"
• "Six Goatees of Separation"
• "S.Q.U.A.T."
• "L.A. Story: Another Losing Season"
• "West Sideburns Story"

Mike Piazza, 1994 Fleer Pro-Vision (Stoner Fleer Pro-Vision Week No. 1)

Mike Piazza, 1994 Rembrandt Ultra Pro

Name: Mike Piazza
Team: Los Angeles Dodgers
Position: Catcher
Value of card: If this were golf, it'd be a great score
Key 1993 stat: Never held a golf club before
A bad day on the greens: As noted on this blue-covered card, Mike Piazza was the 1993 National League Rookie of the Year. His manager, the often foul-mouthed and always full-mouthed Tommy Lasorda, didn't care spit about any of those words except "rookie," however. Lasorda made the young backstop caddy for him whenever he went golfing, but carrying Tommy's bag wasn't like carrying a normal golf bag. In the pockets where most duffers would keep extra balls, tees, an umbrella and a few beers, Lasorda instead kept loose items of food. Piazza would have to dislodge golf balls from smashed cannolis and extract tees from weeks-old meatballs. The bottom of the bag was filled with 6 inches of marinara sauce, meaning that after Piazza had dirtied Lasorda's lone towel with tomato-y foulness from the club handles, he would have to use his own shirt. The end of the season couldn't come soon enough for the catcher, who quickly hoisted his duties on some young Korean kid.

Mike Piazza, 1994 Rembrandt Ultra Pro

Mike Piazza, 1994 Upper Deck

Name: Mike Piazza

Team: Los Angeles Dodgers

Position: Catcher

Value of card: It ain't worth squat

Key 1993 stat: One batting glove worn unnecessarily behind catcher's mitt, 162 games

It's time for a pop quiz behind the plate:

Why is Mike Piazza making his O-face?

(A) That baseball bat in the background just shot out his backside.

(B) Tommy Lasorda dropped his drawers.

(C) His mullet is weighing down the back of his head, causing his mouth to open.

(D) A teammate just hurled a 12-inch hoagie in his direction, and he's getting ready for it.

(E) He's accentuating his handlebars.

(F) All of the above.

Mike Piazza, 1994 Upper Deck