Dave Schmidt, 1985 Topps

Name: Dave "Screech" Schmidt
Team: Texas Rangers
Position: Pitcher
Value of card: Two plastic sheriff's badges
Key 1984 stat: 22,876 hours of "Walker, Texas Ranger" watched
Meet the Bayside Rangers starting pitcher: When Dave "Screech" Schmidt wakes up in the morning and the clock gives out a warning, he never thinks he's going to make it to the field on time. By the time he grabs his bats and he gives himself a look, he's at the corner just in time to see the team bus fly by. If the manager pops a test, Schmidt knows he's in a mess, and the dog ate all his chewing tobacco last night. Right alone in his chair, the manager won't know that Schmidt's there, if he can have a decent outing tomorrow he'll be all right. It's all right 'cause he's saved by the bell. It's all right ... it's all right ... it's all right, 'cause he's saved by the bell.

Dave Schmidt, 1985 Topps

Jorge Fabregas, 1992 Bowman

Name: Jorge Fabregas
Team: Some California Angels minor league affiliate or other
Position: Catcher
Value of card: One stained shirt
Key 1991 stat: 25 stripes
Jorge Fabregas, from A to Z:

A: Appears to have some sort of odd neck rash
B: Backup backstop
C: Collar should definitely be popped to complete this look
D: Despite being a catcher, he never really caught on, if you know what we mean
E: Eight teams in eight pro seasons. That's what we mean
F: "Fabregas" is Spanish for mediocre
G: Got this polo shirt for 25 percent off at Ross!
H: Horizontal stripes not nearly as slimming as pinstripes
I: In case you were wondering, Jorge Fabregas is an anagram of Garage Job Serf
J: "Jorge" is Spanish for "Batting ninth"
K: Knocked in all of 211 runs in his career
L: Lock up your daughters; this guy's a looker
M: Made playoffs with Atlanta in 1999 — and managed to go 0-for-3
N: Never could hit a curveball. Or a fastball. Or a Wiffle Ball
O: Overcame case of bed sores
P: Pink and purple look good on this guy
Q: Quilted Charmin not softer than Jorge's cheeks
R: Ray Romano sure looks young in this photo
S: Should probably button up a couple more of those buttons
T: Thousands of dollars in orthodontic work helped create that grin
U: Uniforms are for suckers
V: Voted "Cutest Dimples" during rookie year
W: Winning smile. Talent was not so winning
X: Xylophone — one of the hobbies he took up during his endless hours in the dugout
Y: Yearbook photo on a baseball card?
Z: Zack Morris would be proud of this attire

Jorge Fabregas, 1992 Bowman

Justin Thompson, 1992 Bowman

Name: Starring Justin Thompson as A.C. Slater

Teams: Detroit Tigers, Bayside Tigers

Positions: Ace, state wrestling champion

Value of card: Two burgers at The Max

Key 1991 stat: Three dates with Kelly Kapowski

Watch yourself, Preppy: During the famed Saturday Morning Teen Series Actors Guild strike of 1991, Mario Lopez took a union-forced hiatus from his role as A.C. Slater, beefy high school heartthrob with a penchant for tomfoolery and slightly homoerotic exchanges with his nemesis and best friend, Zack Morris. With "Saved by the Bell's" ratings nearly at "Hey Dude" viewer numbers, the producers knew they had to come up with a contingent plan. A nationwide talent search was held, but no one could match Lopez's boyish good looks and bulging biceps. Then, producer Doug Belding, a Detroit native, attended a Tigers game. Justin Thompson was on the mound. In an instant, Belding knew he had his star. Thompson was called in for a photo session, and the crew got him dressed up in the hottest striped, long-sleeve polo shirt and white jeans they could find. They made plans to add Soul Glo to his locks and altered scripts so Slater was the state baseball champ instead of the state wrestling champ, though they still planned to dress him in tights as much as possible. For two episodes, Thompson was a Saturday morning star — until the strike ended, baseball beckoned and his acting career halted with a screech.

Justin Thompson, 1992 Bowman