Darryl Strawberry, 1987 Donruss Diamond Kings (Medical Emergency Diamond Kings Week No. 5)

Name: Darryl Strawberry
Team: New York Mets
Position: Outfield
Value of card: A straw with a hole in it
Key 1986 stat: Half a mustache
Is Darryl Strawberry having a medical emergency? While li'l Darryl appears to be fit and hale, watching yet another long ball soar out of Shea, big Darryl might be in trouble. His hat's a little askew, but that's no big deal, and his eyes look fine. His nose is pretty asymmetrical, though      perhaps he's been in a fistfight? The big worry here, however, is what's going on with his mouth and cheeks. Either he's having a stroke or half of his face is melting due to some sort of witchcraft. Grab a cross and call an ambulance, Straw! Every second counts!

Darryl Strawberry, 1987 Donruss Diamond Kings (Medical Emergency Diamond Kings Week No. 5)

Darryl Strawberry, 1991 Fleer Pro-Visions

Name: Darryl Strawberry
Team: New York Mets
Position: Outfield
Value of card: Radiation poisoning
Key 1990 stat: Cocaine was a hell of a drug
An illustrative pop quiz: What's the deal with Straw's bat?

A) You see, the artist was indicating that the bat was a nuclear weapon, representing Darryl's power. Silly.
B) It wasn't the first time Strawberry was associated with lines.
C) Who cares? What I want to know is why is the moon in so many of these stupid cards?
D) It burns! IT BURNS!
E) No, but really, it's A.

Darryl Strawberry, 1991 Fleer Pro-Visions

Mets Leaders, 1987 Topps

Name: Mets Leaders
Team: New York Mets
Positions: All of them
Value of card: 11 drug addicts on team
Key 1986 stats: See below
Full list of the New York Mets' 1986 team leaders:
Most curls in perm: Gary Carter
Most free stays at crappy motels: Howard Johnson
Most practical jokes by a guy with a mullet: Roger McDowell
Most appearances on "Seinfeld": Keith Hernandez
Most darling player: Ron Darling
Most alcohol binges: (Tie) Darryl Strawberry, Dwight Gooden
Most cocaine binges: (Tie) Darryl Strawberry, Dwight Gooden
Most crack binges: (Tie) Darryl Strawberry, Dwight Gooden

Mets Leaders, 1987 Topps

Eric Davis, Darryl Strawberry, 1993 Upper Deck

Names: Eric Davis, Darryl Strawberry
Team: Los Angeles Dodgers
Positions: Outfielders, boyhood friends
Value of card: True friendship is priceless
Key 1992 stat: 72 tickle fights
It's ... The Matchup:

Round 1: Bling (Winner: Davis)
Round 2: Blue (Winner: Davis)
Round 3: Threes (Winner: Davis)
Round 4: Fours (Winner: Strawberry)
Round 5: Friendship (Winner: Tie)
Round 6: Crimes (Winner: Strawberry)
Round 7: Smirkiness (Winner: Davis)
Round 8: Mock turtlenecks (Winner: Strawberry)
Round 9: Splotchy, beardlike facial hair (Winner: Tie)

Score: Davis 4, Strawberry 3 (Ties, 2)

Synopsis: Davis edges Strawberry, thanks to his unnecessarily huge armbands and smugness. However, this Matchup caused the two to end their friendship and become sworn enemies.

Eric Davis, Darryl Strawberry, 1993 Upper Deck

Darryl Strawberry, 1993 Upper Deck

Name: Darryl Strawberry
Team: Los Angeles Dodgers
Position: Outfield
Value of card: One cringe
Key 1992 stat: 3,128 inappropriate autographs
Clean it up, Straw: Darryl Strawberry — one-time world-class slugger, full-time world-class jerk. Strawberry, under court order to give autographs before games following a drug conviction, often decided to mess with the people asking him to sign memorabilia. "Want me to sign your ball, kid?" he asks above. "Here, let me see it." Strawberry then proceeded to rub the baseball against his protective cup before actually signing it. The boy on the left is cringing in disbelief, but still wants an autograph so badly he's willing to take one that's been held against what Strawberry calls the "straw that stirs the drink."

Darryl Strawberry, 1993 Upper Deck

Darryl Strawberry, 1991 Score The Franchise

Name: Darryl Strawberry, Inmate No. 1476598

Teams: Los Angeles Dodgers, Miami-Dade County Jail

Positions: Outfield, (insert soap-dropping joke here)

Value of card: Three cigarettes, you punk-ass fish

Key 1990 stat: Two misdemeanors

Crime and punishment: Darryl Strawberry has had many well-publicized run-ins with the law. He has faced charges for failing to make child-support payments, being in possession of cocaine and soliciting a police officer posing as a prostitute, among other things. These things are all embarrassing, but his prodigious skills on the diamond usually overshadowed his missteps off the field. This was true until Score decided to run a Strawberry mug shot on a 1991 baseball card in place of the usual action shot of the outfielder in mid-swing. Strawberry was infuriated. "At least they could have got my good side," he said.

Darryl Strawberry, 1991 Score The Franchise