Turk Wendell, 1994 Upper Deck

Name: Turk Wendell

Team: Chicago Cubs

Value of card: Not as high as Wendell

Key 1993 stat: 36-inch vertical leap

Top 10 descriptions of how high Turk Wendell is:

10) Remember the last time you 'shroomed? He's higher than that.

9) He's approximately 14 times as high as his mullet is long.

8) High enough to brush his teeth between innings.

7) He had enough time in the air to come up with the name "Turk."

6) This high: "Whoa, bro. How'd I get up here?"

5) High enough to think the illustration of the pitcher in the bottom-left corner is a real person.

4) He was literally in the Upper Deck.

3) As high as his invisible surfboard would take him.

2) High enough to believe the baseline is made of anthrax.

1) One answer: Check out those high-tops.

Turk Wendell, 1994 Upper Deck

Ryan Bowen, 1992 Upper Deck

Name: Ryan Bowen
Team: Houston Astros
Position: Pitcher
Value of card: One piggy-back ride
Key 1991 stat: 0.01 miles walked
Hitchhiker's guide to the infield: Superstitions are rampant among baseball players, perhaps none more so than the habit many pitchers have of avoiding stepping on the baselines on their way back to the dugout. Ryan Bowen took this to the next level. After recording the third out of each inning, Bowen would refuse to leave the pitcher's mound under his own power. Instead, he would gingerly step to the edge of the mound, where shortstop Casey Candaele or second baseman Craig Biggio would pick him up and carry him piggy-back style to the dugout. Many snickered at the routine, but Bowen and Biggio had the last laugh when they beat McGwire and Canseco to win the 1992 All Star Game Chicken Fight that July.

Ryan Bowen, 1992 Upper Deck

Turk Wendell, 1993 Upper Deck Diamond Debuts

Name: Turk Wendell

Team: Chicago Cubs

Position: Pitcher

Value of card: 13 toothbrush bristles

Key 1992 stat: 795 debilitating superstitions

Turk the jerk: When Turk Wendell was brought up to the big leagues, he made an immediate impression. It wasn't for his fastball, curveball or impressive bulge; it was for his ridiculous, dramatic and embarrassing superstitions. He didn't last long with the Cubs, which, hmm, let's see, partly could have been a product of his having to brush his teeth — yes, brush his teeth, for chris'sakes — between each inning.

10 more of Turk's crippling on-field superstitions:

10) Used a rosin bag as baby powder on his crotch during Saturday afternoon games.

9) Forced grounds crews to trim mullet before starts against National League West teams.

8) Took a whiz in water fountain every time he gave up a go-ahead triple in the 10th inning.

7) Snorted baseline chalk when balk was called with two outs in an inning on a cloudy day.

6) Spit chewing tobacco into his jock strap — which was stuffed with Kitty Litter — when home plate umpire with a moustache was hit with a foul tip by a left-handed hitter.

5) Made sweet love to a catcher's mitt after walking three batters in one-run game during a four-game series.

4) Bit the head off a seagull every time a batter hit a line drive that hit a seagull, dropping the bird to the ground on the infield ... during a twinight doubleheader ... in August.

3) Covered his arm in canola oil before wrapping it with three towels when brushing his teeth after throwing a scoreless inning against a team whose name started with the letter "R."

2) Wore blue socks.

1) Spit toothpaste into an ugly trophy after reading a lackluster blog post about his superstitions.

Turk Wendell, 1993 Upper Deck Diamond Debuts