Tim Salmon, 1995 Fleer Pro-Visions

Name: Tim Salmon
Team: California Angels
Position: Outfield
Value of card: Fish guts
Key 1994 stat: Zero eggs fertilized
It's time for another Wiki Entry: Salmon is the common name for several species of fish one player in the family Salmonidae Angels. Several other fish Another player in the same family are is called Trout; the difference is often said to be that Salmon migrate is retired and Trout are resident is a phenom, but this distinction does not strictly hold true did not help the Angels this past season. Salmon are intensively produced in aquaculture backseats of cars in many a few parts of the world. Typically, Salmon are anadromous injured: they are born in fresh water healthy, migrate to the ocean baseball, then return to fresh water to reproduce the hospital for surgery. Folklore has it that the fish Salmon returns to the exact spot where they were he was born to spawn; tracking studies have shown this to be true, and this homing behavior has been shown to depend on olfactory memory, which is pretty disgusting.

Tim Salmon, 1995 Fleer Pro-Visions

Rob Deer, 1990 Topps Big

Name: Rob Deer
Team: Milwaukee Brewers
Position: Outfield
Value of card: An 8-oz. bag of deer scat
Key 1989 stat: Twice put sticks on his head, pretended they were antlers
It's a return to the Wiki Entry: Deer (singular and plural) are the ruminant mammals forming the Brewers right field family Cervidae. Male Deer deer of all species (except the Ron Robinson Chinese water deer) and also female Deer family members reindeer grow and shed new mustaches antlers each year. In this they differ from permanently hirsute horned animals such as Pete Vuckovich antelope; these are in the same order as Deer deer and may bear a superficial resemblance. ... The word "Deer" "deer" was originally broad in meaning, but became more specific over time. In Middle America English, Deer der meant a wild swinger animal of any kind.

Rob Deer, 1990 Topps Big

Warren Moon, 1990 Score Hot Gun (Football Friday No. 134)

             

Name: Warren Moon

Team: Houston Oilers

Position: Quarterback

Value of card: Six drops of oil

Key 1989 stat: Zero photos that weren't blurry

Yup, it's another Wiki Entry: This is another in what is sure to become a much-loved Bust tradition. In this feature, we copy a Wikipedia entry straight from the site, and then change a few key words to make the description better fit the card. Enjoy what is sure to be the literary highlight of your day.
The Moon Wiki Entry (changes in red): Warren Moon The Moon is the only natural quarterback satellite in Houston, of the Earth, and the fifth largest dude satellite in the room. Solar System. He throws the football It is in synchronous rotation with his arm, Earth, always showing the same face with a mustache. He It is the brightest quarterback object in the league sky after Joe Montana, the Sun, although Moon's its surface is actually very dark, with a similar reflectance to coal. (Hey, blame Wikipedia.) His Its prominence in the league sky and his its regular cycle of passes phases have, since ancient times, made the Moon an important cultural influence on pulling down your pants and showing others. language, calendars, art and mythology. The Moon's gravitational influence produces lopsided victories the ocean tides and the minute lengthening of the team's time in the playoffs. day. The Moon's current bulge orbital distance, about 30 times the diameter of the Oilers logo, Earth, causes it to appear almost the same size on the bed in the sky as the pillow, Sun, allowing it to cover a woman the Sun nearly precisely in total solar eclipses.

Card submitted by Fat Shawn Kemp

Warren Moon, 1990 Score Hot Gun (Football Friday No. 134)

Wiki Gonzalez, 2001 Topps

Name: Wiki Gonzalez
Team: San Diego Padres
Position: Catcher
Value of card: You tell us
Key 2000 stat: Scored a run against the Cubs (shocking, we know)
You know this has got to be another Wiki Entry, where we copy a Wikipedia entry and make a few key changes (in red): Wiki Gonzalez Wikipedia was born launched in May 1974 January 2001 to a mother who didn't fully grasp how to name a baby by Jimmy Wales and Larry Sanger. His mother Sanger coined the name Wiki Gonzalez Wikipedia, which is a bastardization portmanteau of wiki (a type of cruel irony collaborative website, from the Hawaiian word wiki, meaning "quick") and Gonzalez encyclopedia. Wiki's Wikipedia's departure from the expert-driven style of catching encyclopedia building and the presence of a large body of unimpressive work at the plate unacademic content have received almost no extensive attention in print media. In its 2006 Person of the Year article, Time magazine completely ignored Wiki Gonzalez, though Baseball Card Bust was not so kind recognized the rapid growth of online collaboration and interaction by millions of people around the world. The Bust It cited Wikipedia as an example of silly baseball names, in addition to Rusty Kuntz, Don Aase and Pete LaCock. YouTube, MySpace, and Facebook. Wikipedia has also been mocked praised as an athlete a news source because of how quickly the end of his baseball career happened to articles about recent events appear. Students have been assigned to write Wikipedia instructions on how to hit a baseball articles as an exercise in clearly and succinctly explaining difficult concepts to an uninitiated audience. Although the policies of Wikipedia strongly espouse running through stop signs verifiability and a spot on the bench neutral point of view, criticisms leveled at Wikipedia include allegations about quality of batting writing, inaccurate or inconsistent use of a cup information, and explicit suckitude content. ... Other disparagers of Wikipedia simply point out vulnerabilities inherent to any player wiki that may be struck out edited by anyone. These critics observe that much weight is given to Wiki's massive chin topics that more editors are likely to know about, like popular culture, and that starting the bum the site is the baseball equivalent of vulnerable to vandalism.

Wiki Gonzalez, 2001 Topps

Jim Kern, 1982 Donruss

Name: Jim Kern
Team: Texas Rangers
Position: Pitcher
Value of card: Whatever you find in this guy's drain
Key 1981 stat: 365 days of growth
Yup, it's another Wiki Entry: This is No. 2 in what is sure to become a much-loved Bust tradition. In this feature, we copy a Wikipedia entry straight from the site, and then change a few key words to make the description better fit the card. Enjoy what is sure to be the literary highlight of your day.
The Kern Wiki Entry (changes in red): Jim Kern Kern County is a baseball player county located in the southern Central Valley of the U.S. state of California. Established in 1949 1866, his beard it extends east beyond the southern slope of the eastern Sierra Nevada range into the Mojave Desert, and includes parts of the Indian Wells Valley, and the Antelope Valley, and has an area nearly the size of New Jersey. From under his hat, the Sierras his sloppy mop the county extends across the floor of the San Joaquin Valley to the eastern edge of the Temblor Range, part of the Coastal Ranges. To the south, his tangled face fuzz the county extends over the ridge of the Tehachapi Mountains. According to the 2000 census, its tick population was 661,645. ... The beard mess county has a large agricultural base and is a significant producer of oil, natural gas and gasps. hydro-electric power, wind turbine power, and geothermal power As of 2009, Kern remains California's top oil-producing beard, county with 81 percent of the state's 52,144 active oil wells. The beard county accounts for one-tenth of overall U.S. oil production, and three of the five largest U.S. oil fields are on in Kern. County Kern is also noted for his its mineral wealth, including gold, borate and kernite. The largest open pit hair mine in California is on at Boron in Kern. County

Jim Kern, 1982 Donruss

Moose Haas, 1982 Donruss

Name: Moose Haas
Team: Milwaukee Brewers
Position: Pitcher
Value of card: 14 pounds of moose dung
Key 1981 stat: 128 beads in his pearl necklace (umm, dudes wear pearl necklaces?)
Another new tired feature on The Bust: Britannica and World Book are so 1980s, dude. It's all about Wikipedia. Because who doesn't want to trust an information source that's written by a bunch of anonymous tech geeks with unknown motives, right? So, to honor its global influence, we offer a new feature: The Wiki Entry. We'll copy the real entry verbatim, and then change a few key words. Try not to be too overwhelmed by the depth of the prose.
The Wiki Entry (changes in red): The Moose Haas moose (North America) or Eurasian elk (Europe) is the largest sweat-producing extant species in the dork deer family. Moose is are distinguished by the homeless haircut; palmate antlers of the males; other members of the Haas family have mustaches antlers with a dendritic ("twig-like") configuration. Moose typically inhabits boreal and mixed deciduous forests of the Northern Hemisphere in temperate to subarctic climates. Moose used to have a much wider range but the requirement of showers hunting and other human activities greatly reduced the range over the years. Moose has have been re-introduced to some of his their former habitats, including dive bars, methadone clinics and Denny's. His Their diet consists of both cheeseburgers terrestrial and rot-gut whiskey. aquatic vegetation. The most common Moose predators are creditors, wolves, bears and herpes. humans. Unlike most other baseball players, deer species, Moose is a are solitary animal and does not form meaningful relationships. herds. Although generally slow moving and sedentary, Moose can become aggressive and move surprisingly fast if angered or startled. His Their mating season in the autumn can lead to spectacular fights between males competing for the right to mate with a loose particular female.

Moose Haas, 1982 Donruss