Charle Young, 1977 Topps Mexican (Football Friday No. 179)

Name: Charle Young
Team: Los Angeles Rams
Position: Tight end
Value of card: Zero cents, converted to pesos
Key 1977 stat: Wasn't actually as scary as this photo makes him out to be
Time for a little Q-and-A about this card:
Q: "Carneros"? "AC"? Whaaa?
A: This card is from the 1977 Topps Mexican football set, a set of Spanish-language cards featuring all the 1970s Topps hallmarks      atrocious photography, lots of dudes with afros, and enough airbrushing to fill a style magazine. "Carneros" is Spanish for Rams, and "AC" is short for ala cerrada, which is 28 percent more fun to say than "tight end."
Q: On the card, this guy's name is "Charley," but you dolts have it as "Charle." Are ya stupid or somethin'?
A: Despite all the evidence on this site, we're not complete idiots. In fact, we've got this one right. His name really is Charle; Topps added the Y by mistake. Of course, they'll probably claim that "Charley" is Spanish for Charle, or something.
Q: Why is Charle Young wearing an inflatable rubber suit instead of a football jersey?
A: Look, we know all about rubber suits, and that, my friend, is no rubber suit. That's one of the most frightening instances of airbrushing in the history of sports cards. Mr. Young had been traded from the Eagles to the Rams in early 1977, after Topps had taken all its photos. It was too difficult for the artist (*ahem*) who airbrushed this photo to keep the appearance of a mesh jersey, so instead, old Charle got a solid blue uniform top with two yellow stripes and a childlike "86" drawn on it. (Frankly, this whole idea should have been eighty-sixed.) Thankfully, the artist (*ahem*) chose a different shade of blue for the helmet, making it clear that this photo was doctored, and that Charle does not, in fact, play football while wearing latex.
Q: I have this card. What do you suggest I do with it?
A: Take it to el baño and tirarlo en el inodoro.

Charle Young, 1977 Topps Mexican (Football Friday No. 179)

Alex Gonzalez, 2006 Upper Deck

Name: Alex Gonzalez
Team: Florida Marlins? Boston Red Sox? It's hard to say
Positions: Shortstop, second-string mascot
Value of card: A patch of crimson fuzz
Key 2005 stat: Stole Mickey Hatcher's glove
Caption that may have run with the above photo in the Boston Globe circa 2006: "Recent Red Sox acquisition Alex Gonzalez has been struggling to acclimate to his new team. Above, during Tuesday's game against the Rays, Gonzalez is seen refusing to wear his Red Sox uniform or a regulation glove while his sister stands at his side, costumed as the shortstop's favorite childhood cartoon character, Mr. Jiggles, the world's fattest parrot."

Alex Gonzalez, 2006 Upper Deck

Paul Sorrento, 1996 Topps Stadium Club

Name: Paul Sorrento
Team: Cleveland Indians
Position: First base
Value of card: $1 (if you tape a dollar to it)
Key 1995 stat: At least one time making the same face as the team logo
Ten dumbest things Paul Sorrento did for photo day at Jacobs Field:
10) Told the photographer that he was "an older, more sophisticated Jim Thome"
9) Put on an Indians uniform even though he was in the process of being traded to Seattle
8) Asked the photog if having his picture taken would steal his soul
7) Shaved his arms
6) Shaved his legs
5) Shaved his back
4) Swore that "Sorrento" is Italian for "immortal ninja"
3) Drank orange juice right after brushing his teeth
2) Took batting practice in center field
1) Smiled like a big doofus all damn day

Paul Sorrento, 1996 Topps Stadium Club

Ben Gay, 2002 Fleer Ultra (Football Friday No. 146)

Name: Ben Gay (yes!)
Team: Cleveland Browns Indianapolis Colts
Position: Running back
Value of card: 6 ounces of analgesic heat rub
Key 2001 stat: 14 hours of clothes hanger tattooing
10 other players signed by the Colts in 2002:
10) Doctor Scholl
9) Paul Mitchell
8) Neo Sporin
7) K.Y. Jelli
6) Barb Asol (cheerleader)
5) Johnson N. Johnson
4) Arman Hammer
3) Icyhot Tigerbalm
2) Pedro Liam Gellie
1) Johnny Ointment

Ben Gay, 2002 Fleer Ultra (Football Friday No. 146)

Juan Pierre, 2003 Fleer Tradition

Name: Juan Pierre
Team: Colorado Rockies Florida Marlins®
Position: Outfield
Value of card: It's not worth trading for
Key 2002 stat: Bunted a lot
Great moments in card design: Not too long ago, we highlighted the most boring card set ever produced. Apparently, card designers didn't learn much in the 13 years between that set and this one. Take a bow, Fleer. While the excessive white border is truly thrilling and the program-default sans serif font captures the eye, what really gives this card life (aside from Juan Pierre's mustache) is the dramatic, yellow "TRADED" diamond jutting up into the player's knee. I'm sure that giant block of random color seemed like a good idea at the time       actually, no, I'm not sure of that at all, because it's absolutely hideous. Congrats, Fleer, you've ruined yellow for everyone once again.

Juan Pierre, 2003 Fleer Tradition

Joel Youngblood, 1982 Topps

Name: Joel Youngblood
Team: New York Mets
Position: Outfield
Value of card: Astoundingly little
Key 1982 stat: A meaningless piece of history
A strange, strange man: Joel Youngblood is responsible for one of the oddest feats in baseball history, and it doesn't even have anything to do with the face he's making above. On Aug. 4, 1982, Youngblood became the only player to get hits for two different teams in two different cities on the same day. After Youngblood hit a two-RBI single in the third inning for the Mets in an afternoon game at Wrigley Field against the Cubs, he was replaced in center field and traded to the Expos for a player to be named later. Youngblood hurried to Philadelphia to be with his new team, and hit a seventh-inning single. However, there is little evidence to support the rumor that he took part in a different "doubleheader," this one involving two different prostitutes in said cities on the same day.

Joel Youngblood, 1982 Topps

Ross Grimsley, 1974 Topps Traded

Name: Ross Grimsley
Team: Baltimore Orioles
Position: Pitcher
Value of card: Hat and collar made of velvet
Key 1974 stat: TRADED
Sometimes, Wikipedia says it best: Ross Grimsley was one of the more colorful players of the 1970s, known for his superstitions and often flaky behavior. With the Reds, he was called into manager Sparky Anderson's office and told to stop corresponding with a "witch" who had been sending him good luck charms. Despite being a premier starting pitcher for the Reds, he was traded to the Orioles for Merv Rettenmund, a part-time outfielder, after the 1973 season, largely in part for his constant resistance to the Reds organization's conservative grooming rules. With the Orioles in 1974, he sported a huge mop of curly hair, prominent mustache, and 18 wins.

On Sept. 16, 1975, at Fenway Park, Grimsley, warming up in the Orioles' bullpen, responded to Boston fans' heckling by throwing a ball into the right field bleachers. The ball passed through the protective netting, injuring a Boston fan. The fan later successfully sued Grimsley and the Orioles.

He was accused by Yankees manager Billy Martin in 1977 of throwing spitball pitches using Vaseline hidden in his hair, which was usually somewhat greasy in appearance because of Grimsley's penchant for not showering during winning streaks. In addition to his nickname "Scuz" for his grooming habits, he was also called "Crazy Eyes" and known to wear turquoise contact lenses. Grimsley is now the pitching coach for the Richmond Flying Squirrels.

Ross Grimsley, 1974 Topps Traded

Rumeal Robinson, 1992-93 Upper Deck (Basketball Week No. 6)

Name: Rumeal Robinson
Team: Atlanta Ha — no, wait, New Jersey Nets
Positions: Guard, off-balance
Value of card: A week-old scab
Key 1992-93 stat: One U-Haul rented
Fun facts about the trade that sent Rumeal Robinson from Atlanta to New Jersey:

• The Nets loved Robinson's unorthodox shooting style, which involved scooping the ball toward the hoop then falling to the ground in pain.
• Hawks coach Bob Weiss never trusted Robinson, mostly because he never believed his first name was Rumeal.
• In return, the Hawks received Roy Hinson, Mookie Blaylock, Mookie Wilson and a housecat named Mookie.
• It was the first time Robinson was traded. It definitely was not the last.
• Robinson actually demanded the trade. I mean, who wouldn't want to live in New Jersey?

Rumeal Robinson, 1992-93 Upper Deck (Basketball Week No. 6)