Willie Gault, 1992 Pro Line Portraits (Shameful Sunday Portraits No. 23)

Name: Willie Gault
Team: Oakland Raiders
Positions: Wide receiver, nearly naked
Value of card: 181 pounds of awkward
Key 1992 stat: Didn't regret this photo one bit
Football's back, and so is the shame: The NFL season is officially here, which means every Sunday from today through Super Bowl XLVIII, we here at the Bust will be bringing you a reminder of how not to dress, pose, or groom yourself. We call them Shameful Sunday Portraits; you'll likely call them "more of those Zubaz cards."

Places you've seen this photo before (come on, admit it):

• In your girlfriend's bedroom
• In your sister's bedroom
• In your bedroom
• In Tile Monthly Magazine
• In the Black Hole
• Wait, wait. We meant the Blue Oyster.
• In Al Davis' office
• In Al Davis' bedroom

Willie Gault, 1992 Pro Line Portraits (Shameful Sunday Portraits No. 23)

Rickey Henderson, 1992 Score Dream Team (Dream Team Week No. 1)

Name: Rickey Henderson
Team: Oakland A's
Position: Half-naked outfielder
Value of card: $1.99/minute (must be 18 or older)
Key 1991 stat: Zero hits from a sitting position
We'll be giving you nightmares all week: The Score Dream Team sets of the early 1990s contained some of the most awkward, misdirected and erotic shots ever featured on cardboard. Sounds like a perfect fit for The Bust. Let's get started, shall we?
It worked so well the first time: We could point out that there's a good chance this boudoir shot of Rickey be Rickey was taken from the previous year's photo shoot. Or, we could analyze the dream presented here. Let's see, the stacked bases likely represent the mounting responsibilities you find yourself facing. Rickey's flat top means that you believe you will need to keep a level head to deal with these tasks. The Louisville Slugger signifies, erm, your desire to go to Louisville? Yeah, that's it. And Rickey's near-nudity? I don't know, but maybe you should stop watching so much Cinemax right before bed, buddy.

Rickey Henderson, 1992 Score Dream Team (Dream Team Week No. 1)

Bill Fralic, 1991 Pro Line Portraits (Shameful Sunday Portraits No. 18)

Name: Bill Fralic
Team: Atlanta Falcons
Position: Guard
Value of card: Seven broken, chewed-up, splintering toothpicks
Key 1990 stat: 286 gallons of sweat saved in closet buckets
Conversation between Bill Fralic and a Pro Line photographer, July 23, 1991: 
Pro Line photographer: "Hey, Bill. Good to meet ... whoa!"
Bill Fralic (in voice similar to David Puddy's of "Seinfeld" fame: "What's the matter? Never seen a man work out before?"
PLP: "No, no. It's just, um, don't you think you should put on pants for the shoot?"
BF: "Why would I do that? This is how I work out. Pantsless."
PLP: "Um, OK."
BF: "Sans pants."
PLP: "Got it."
BF: "Sin pantalones, amigo."
PLP: "Yeah, I understand."
BF: "Positively without pants."
PLP: "OK, let's just get this shoot over with."
BF: "Sure. Just let me put on my socks."
PLP: "Really? You're going to spread your legs in the air like that? How about I turn around?"
BF: "What's the matter? Never seen a man put on socks before?"
PLP: "Just close your legs, finish pulling up your socks and let's shoot this."
BF: "Hold on. Make sure you get my red Jockeys in the shot. My mother is going to see this."

Bill Fralic, 1991 Pro Line Portraits (Shameful Sunday Portraits No. 18)

Barry Sanders, 1990 Pro Set Hall of Fame Photo Contest (Football Friday No. 104)

Name: Barry Sanders
Team: Detroit Lions
Position: Running back
Value of card: Bag of poop (also the first-place prize in photo contest)
Key 1989 stat: 14 pounds of hand tape
It's an apt time for the return of The Caption: "Detroit Lions running back Barry Sanders, above, becomes slightly aroused when Cleveland Browns strong safety Felix Wright starts to slowly undress him on the field while the two erstwhile lovers participate in a "sensual photo" contest Wednesday in Pontiac, Mich."

Barry Sanders, 1990 Pro Set Hall of Fame Photo Contest (Football Friday No. 104)

Cortez Kennedy, 1990 NFL Pro Set (NFL Draft Weekend No. 1)

Name: Cortez Kennedy

Team: Seattle Seahawks

Position: Defensive tackle

Value of card: 343 pounds (pounds sterling, former British monetary unit)

Key 1989 stat: 343 pounds (actual fat-guy weight)

Camelot's finest: At 5 feet 8 and 343 pounds, Cortez Kennedy was a model of the male physique. Women swooned when he went shirtless and men sucked in their guts when he walked past. But it wasn't only his muscular makeup that drew lust. The defensive tackle was a descendant of the Kennedy clan, a part of America's royal family. This combination of brawn, brains and bravado not only set afire the ladies, it moved some of the NFL's manliest men to pursue Kennedy, to the lengths of ripping off his clothes on the field. Of course, when this happened, half the crowd fainted, half the crowd felt ashamed, half the crowd was reminded of JFK on a Cape Cod beach and half the crowd critiqued the math of those who counted what the crowd was doing.

Cortez Kennedy, 1990 NFL Pro Set (NFL Draft Weekend No. 1)