Dave Winfield, 1991 Upper Deck

Name: Dave Winfield
Team: California Angels
Position: Outfield
Value of card: Million-dollar smile
Key 1990 stat: One attempted steal (of your girlfriend)
Dave Winfield's dating profile, circa 1990:

Screen name: WinfieldOfDreams_12
Age: 39
Height: 6' 6"
Weight: 220 pounds (all muscle, baby)
Hair color: Black
Hairstyle: Awesome
Ethnicity: Minnesotan, originally
Want children? I could use a bat boy
Best feature: These pearly whites
Smoke? The occasional fastball
Drink? Gatorade
Religion: I believe in Angels

Seeking: The ladies
Location: Los Angeles? Anaheim? Orange County? One of those
Her body type: Beach bod
Her ethnicity: Tanned


About me: Hey girl, Winny here. After too many seasons in the cold (and cold-heartedness) of New York, I'm back in SoCal, ready to heat things up. Once you're done getting lost in my eyes, drop me line, and we'll see if you can help me work on my power stroke. After all, my jersey may say I'm an Angel, but I'm a real demon once the lights go out. Rrrowwrrr!

Dave Winfield, 1991 Upper Deck

Dave Winfield, 1989 Topps

Name: Dave Winfield

Team: New York Yankees

Position: Outfield

Value of card: It ain't worth a crap

Key 1988 stat: 125 times defecated in dugout

A new feature: "The Caption" is new to The Bust (probably for good reason). We'll include the caption that would have appeared if the photo had run in a newspaper. Only the worst baseball card photos will get The Caption treatment. Feel free to leave your own caption as a comment to show everyone how much funnier you are than the dimwits at The Bust.

The Caption: "Dave Winfield, above, takes a crap in the New York dugout Wednesday during the Yankees' 4-2 loss to the California Angels in Anaheim, Calif. Winfield went 0-for-4. "He stunk today," Yankees first baseman Don Mattingly said of Winfield after the game."

Dave Winfield, 1989 Topps

Dave Winfield, 1991 Studio

Name: Dave Winfield
Team: California Angels
Position: Right field
Value of card: One case of Rawlings baseballs
Key 1990 stat: 400 balls cupped
My, what big hands you have: Wow, and we thought Julio Franco's 1991 Studio card was sexual. It turns out the Studio photographer that year was actually a disturbed 14-year-old boy in his parents' basement who had professional athletes do highly suggestive things with baseball equipment. We've now seen Winfield cupping multiple leathery balls, Franco whispering sweet nothings to his bat, Tom Glavine making bedroom eyes at the camera and Eddie Murray tickling himself. More research is needed, but we can only assume cards exist from this set featuring Roger Clemens holding handcuffs in his glove, a shirtless, oiled Cecil Fielder, and Keith Hernandez making sweet love to himself.

Dave Winfield, 1991 Studio

Dave Winfield, 1992 Upper Deck

Name: Dave Winfield
Team: All
Positions: Outfield, designated hitter
Value of card: 400!
Key 1991 stat: 34 trades
Man on the move: In its 1992 set, Upper Deck paid tribute to a great moment in baseball history: Dave Winfield's 400th time being traded. Over his 22 seasons, Winfield played for all 28 major league teams in existence at that time, as well as 17 professional Japanese teams, 42 softball organizations and, for one memorable week, a youth tee-ball league. Winfield was dealt more times than the eight of hearts. He was involved in more transactions than a Wells Fargo bank teller. He was moved so many times, a U-Haul truck started following him at all hours. He was once actually traded for a meal. In fact, we at the Bust are putting this entire post on the auction block. Serious offers only, please.

Dave Winfield, 1992 Upper Deck