Robin Yount and Pete Vuckovich, 1982 Topps Team Leaders

Names: Robin Yount and Pete Vuckovich
Team: Milwaukee Brewers
Positions: Shortstop and pitcher
Value of card: 1 can of warm Schlitz
Key 1981 stat: 2 times voted Milwaukee's Sexiest Bachelor (combined)
It's time for an old Milwaukee edition of The Matchup:

Round 1: Mustache, boss-ness (Winner: Vuckovich)
Round 2: Mustache, smoothness (Winner: Yount)
Round 3: Mullet, length (Winner: Vuckovich)
Round 4: Mullet, curliness (Winner: Yount)
Round 5: Neck, girth (Winner: Vuckovich)
Round 6: Neck, muscle definition (Winner: Yount)
Round 7: Photo, sharpness (Winner: Vuckovich)

Score: Vuckovich 4, Yount 3

Synopsis: With a couple of brewskis on the line, Vuckovich outlasts the the Hall of Famer with an assist from a (surprise!) competent professional Topps photographer.

Robin Yount and Pete Vuckovich, 1982 Topps Team Leaders

Robin Yount, 1992 Pinnacle Sidelines (Pinnacle Sidelines Week No. 4)

Name: Robin Yount
Team: Milwaukee Brewers
Positions: Outfield, dirt bike racer
Value of card: The dirt left in Yount's bike tires
Key 1991 stat: 118 airs caught
Script from Honda Powersports dirt bike commercial, circa 1992: "Whoooaa! Howdy, sports fans! This is Robin Yount, the most extreme baseball player who ever played the game and yelled all his sentences! (shot of Yount taking a bite out of a baseball) You know I like it to tear it up! I like to ride hard (shot of Yount riding a bike) and party harder! Woo-hooo! But I never mix riding and partying, because that would be a strikeout. (shot of Yount swinging, missing, falling down) Just kidding! I'm all about getting on my Honda dirt bike with 10 shots of Winner's Cup Vodka in my gut and two beers in my pockets* and hitting some jumps! Get some air, scabs, and get yourself a Honda dirt bike! Wooooo-hoooo!"

* Robin Yount and Honda in no way endorse drinking and riding (unless it's with your sister. Hey-o!).

Robin Yount, 1992 Pinnacle Sidelines (Pinnacle Sidelines Week No. 4)

Robin Yount, 1989 Topps Cap'N Crunch insert

Name: Robin Yount

Team: Possibly the Milwaukee Brewers

Position: Outfield

Value of card: Three pieces of cereal, picked from the garbage

Key 1988 stat: One girl's name

10 reasons Yount was like Cap'N Crunch cereal:

10) He was full of folic acid, coconut oil, brown sugar, salt and Yellow No. 5.

9) He was old and had a wicked mustache.

8) He hung out with fruits.

7) The skin around his eyes resembled the ridges in those sugary kernels.

6) When he walked, his bones made crunching sounds.

5) He never took nutrition into consideration.

4) He took a bath in milk every day.

3) The whole family loved him, but grew sick the more they had of him.

2) He was yellowish.

1) Crunch Berries = dingle berries.

Robin Yount, 1989 Topps Cap'N Crunch insert

Robin Yount, 1993 Pinnacle Now & Then

Name: Robin Yount

Team: Milwaukee Brewers

Position: Center field, shortstop

Value of card: Two 12 packs of Milwaukee's Best

Key 1992 stat: Two 12 packs of Milwaukee's Best, consumed before photo shoot

The Matchup gets a little tipsy in Milwaukee:

Round 1: Flowing locks (Winner: Young Robin)

Round 2: Hollow, dead eyes (Winner: Tie)

Round 3: Larry Bird resemblance (Winner: Young Robin)

Round 4: Unkempt facial hair (Winner: Tie)

Round 5: Depth of wrinkles (Winner: Old Robin)

Round 6: Woman's name, or that of a superhero sidekick (Winner: Tie)

Round 7: Chicken neck (Winner: Tie)

Round 8: Elf ears (Winner: Old Robin)

Round 9: Lip hair (Winner: Young Robin)

Score: Young Robin 3, Old Robin 2, Ties 4

Synopsis: There were more ties than wins for either competitor, which seems fitting considering Yount looked just as old in 1974 as in 1992. In the end, though, Young Robin takes home the Bust trophy thanks to his amateur, disheveled lip blanket.

Robin Yount, 1993 Pinnacle Now & Then

Robin Yount, 1992 Fleer Pro-Visions

Name: Robin Yount
Team: Milwaukee Brewers
Positions: Outfield, hero
Value of card: Six giant baseballs
Key 1991 stat: One blockbuster
Movie trailer time: In a world where oversize baseballs have gained self-awareness and the ability to fly (cut to scene of said baseballs crashing with explosive force into buildings, cars and cleanup hitters), only one triple play can save the Earth. (Cut to scene of a pack of baseballs taking down a jetliner.) This summer, Robin Yount (cut to scene of Yount looking up and saying "Bottom of the ninth, you red-seamed bastards"), Robin Yount's mustache (cut to an intense scene of Yount eating a crumb-laden baguette) and Robin Yount's mullet (cut to a slow-motion CGI scene of Yount's mullet snaring a baseball in its golden strands) make a stand against rawhide. The balls may strike, but it's America that is ... "Ahead in the Yount."

Robin Yount, 1992 Fleer Pro-Visions